wisdom – weemagine

From Long Beach to Valedictorian: Interview with University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon

Pursuing a dream is rarely, if ever, easy. Along the way, you inevitably face set-backs and obstacles that stop many people before they even started. University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon is not one of those people. Check out the inspiring story of his road to success.

Q. Tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? Where do you live? How would people who know you describe you?

A. I was born and raised in Long Beach, NY. I currently reside in Millington, TN. I am very outgoing, laid back, silly, and all about positive thinking.

Q. Describe your job.

A. I am the Kitchen Manager/Head Chef over Residential Dining at the University of Memphis. I am responsible for ensuring over 1,200 people are fed daily. On a daily basis, I lead a crew of cooks to produce food from standardized recipes. In addition to overseeing the food production, I do the ordering, keep track of inventory, station merchandising, and training, just to name a few of my tasks.

Q. What were you doing before you decided to pursue culinary arts?

A. I owned a bread route in the Memphis Area, waking up at 2:30am, 7 days a week.

Q. What made you decide to change careers?

A. I ruptured my Achilles tendon. Being a route owner, I was forced to sell my route due to being physically unable to run my business effectively.

“I have two children that mean the world to me. I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams. So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.”

Q. What did you have to do to pursue your current career? For example, education, internships, certifications. How much time did it take?

A. I started school at the age of 33, with NO restaurant knowledge. I used financial aid assistance, student loan approval (40k), a lot of determination and on crutches. I spent two years in Culinary School. Then, I worked as a Sous chef for 3 years and I have been working catering events for 3 years.

Q. Who was your biggest inspiration? Mentors? Family? Friends?

I would most definitely say my mother. To watch her have the strength to raise 4 children and fight and defeat her demons gave me that kick I needed to not just “TRY” but “DO.”

Q. What was your biggest motivation? In other words, what kept you going?

A. I have two children that mean the world to me. I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams. So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.

Q. Did you experience any setbacks? How did you overcome them?

My only setback was the inconvenience of being partially disabled, due to crutches and a walking cast. Since I was unable to hang out or do a lot of ripping/running, I utilized my time to study fiercely.

“When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it. Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great. Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.”

Q. If you had a chance to go back in time and speak to your 15 year old self, a) would he be surprised to see where you are now? b) what would you say to him?

A. If I could speak to the skinny young me, I’d probably laugh at the weight I’ve gained, since I never thought, I could gain weight. I know I’d be giving myself a high five being that I made the decision back then that these streets will always be here. I would tell young me to focus more in school. You have a brain so use it and stop worrying if your so called friends are jealous. Do you with no holdbacks.

Q. What advice would you give to someone thinking about pursuing culinary arts or going after any dream?

If going into the culinary arts field, know for sure that this is what you want. If you are going just to learn how to cook using different methods, that’s cool, but very expensive if you are not putting the learned knowledge to use. If you are going to become a great chef, who is passionate about his/her craft, and wants to teach others, then by all means, the right program is worth it. When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it. Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great. Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.

Q. Any long-term goals or dreams?

I hope to one day be able to instruct urban youth on how to prepare nutritional meals. I have been blessed with a strong culinary IQ, and I would love more than anything to help the youth and have the tradition carried on.

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Minute Mentor provides a space for real people to tell their stories so if you or your little one is in search of mentorship on how to achieve their dreams, you can look no further than right here! Sometimes the best inspiration comes from seeing someone that looks like you achieving similar goals.

If you have any questions or comments for the featured guest, leave a comment, and we will do our best to bring it to their attention! Happy imagining!

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About The Author

Faye McCray is an attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications. Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon. Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Living History: Meet Betty Soskin, America’s Oldest Park Ranger

At 94 years old, Betty Reid Soskin is the oldest living ranger for the National Park Service. She serves as Interpretive Ranger at the Rosie the Riveter World War II Home Front National Historical Park in Richmond, California. Today, she works up to five days a week and five hours per day. Her work entails giving two or three presentations in the park theater. She answers emails and requests from her office. She also conducts wildly popular bus tours through the areas that make up the park. She speaks honestly in her presentations about both discrimination and efforts for integration that occurred during WWII. Remarkably, she doesn’t use notes or a guide. Instead, she speaks from her lived experience and personal history. Her pace would be incredibly impressive for someone half her age. Here are eight facts you need to know about this American Shero.

1. She was the great-granddaughter of enslaved Americans.

Soskin was born in Detroit, MI and lived part of her childhood in New Orleans before settling in Oakland, California. Her parents were of Creole and Cajun descent and her great-grandmother was born into slavery in 1846.

2. She was an activist and artist.

In the 1950s, she and her husband were subject to death threats after they built a home in Walnut Creek, California, all-white suburb. She became active in her local Unitarian Universalist Congregation and the Black Caucus of the Unitarian Universalist Association. In the 1960s, she became a well-known songwriter in the Civil Rights Movement. Check out a song she wrote reposted on her blog here.

3. She was a part of the American Labor Movement.

During World War II, Soskin served as a file clerk for Boilermakers Union A-36, which was an all African American union derivative that formed because segregationist policies allowed the White union to refuse their entry into the ranks.

4. She was a witness to the Port Chicago Disaster.

In 1944, 320 Americans, mostly African American sailors were killed when two ships being loaded with ammunition and bombs suddenly blew up. Soskin’s family hosted sailors who served in the U.S. Navy during that time. Notably, the Port Chicago Disaster led to the Port Chicago Mutiny where 258 African American enlisted personnel refused to return to the disaster site and load ammunition until Navy officials changed load procedures to enhance safety.

5. She helped establish the Rosie the Riveter World War II Home Front National Historical Park where she currently serves.

Soskin served as a field representative for California Assemblywomen Dion Aroner and Loni Hancock. During this time, she became active in the early planning and development of the park set to memorialize women during World War II. As someone who “lived it”, she became a fierce advocate for preserving the history of African American women during World War II. She called attention to the often left out group who played a pivotal role in aiding the war effort while being denied basic rights and continuing to be treated as second class citizens within the country.

6. She is an active blogger.

Soskin is an active blogger and maintains updates that are reflections on her life and work. You can read her blog, which she regularly updates here.

7. She was honored by President Obama.

She has several interview requests and has received several honors from luminaries. In 2015, President Barack Obama gave Soskin a commemorative coin to honor her as the oldest living park ranger.

8. She survived a vicious attack in July 2016.

On July 1, 2016, Mrs. Reid Soskin awoke to a masked man standing over her bed. The assailant attacked her, ransacked her apartment and stole several things from her including the commemorative coin given to her by President Obama. She survived the attack by escaping to a bathroom and barricading the door until the assailant retreated. After the attack, she received hundreds of letters and emails. A Go Fund Me page was set up for her through the National Park Service that helped her replace some things that were stolen. She was sent a replacement coin with the Presidential Seal from the White House. She was able to come out of the incident with only bruises, but her quick thinking and indomitable spirit kept her alive through the ordeal.

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Information attained from:

Betty Reid Soskin, CBreaux Speaks, http://cbreaux.blogspot.com/

Rachel Gillett, “Meet the 94-year-old park ranger who works full-time and never wants to retire”, http://www.businessinsider.com/94-year-old-park-ranger-betty-reid-soskin-interview-2016-8

Richmond Pulse, “Q&A: Nation’s Oldest Park Ranger Cites Outpouring of Support in Healing After Robbery”, http://newamericamedia.org/2016/08/qa-nations-oldest-park-ranger-cites-outpouring-of-support-in-healing-after-robbery.php

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a married father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast. Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.

Colin Kaepernick Wasn’t The First To Challenge Blind Patriotism

Given the level of media coverage of his actions, you would think Colin Kaepernick was the first person to challenge blind patriotism. However, here are six other public figures that refused to honor their countries because of moral or political reasons.

Featured Photo Credit: Jonathan Ferrey/Getty

On August 26, 2016, before a preseason game, Colin Kaepernick, a quarterback with the San Francisco 49ers chose to sit instead of stand during the playing of the United States National Anthem. During a post-game interview, Kaepernick stated, “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color,” Kaepernick told NFL Media.

“To me, this is bigger than football and it would be selfish on my part to look the other way. There are bodies in the street and people getting paid leave and getting away with murder.”

Although both the 49ers and the National Football League have declined to take disciplinary action, public reaction has been mixed. Some are calling him unpatriotic while others are calling his civil act of disobedience heroic. Given the level of media coverage of his actions, you would think Kaepernick was the first person to challenge blind patriotism. However, here are six other public figures that refused to honor their countries because of moral/political reasons:

1. Frederick Douglass

On July 5, 1852, Frederick Douglass was invited to give a speech at an event commemorating the signing of the Declaration of Independence, held at Corinthian Hall in Rochester, NY. The audience got more than they bargained for when instead he told them,”This Fourth of July is yours, not mine. You may rejoice, I must mourn.” He went on to ask, “Do you mean, citizens, to mock me, by asking me to speak today?”

In his speech, which became one of his most famous, he said:

“What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim… There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour.”

Frederick Douglass was arguably the most famous orator of the 19th century and was the most photographed person of the 19th century. He sat for several pictures because he wanted to show the dignity of Black people during a time when minstrel shows were prominent.

2. Muhammad Ali

On April 28, 1967, boxing champion Muhammad Ali refused to be inducted into the United States Army and his heavyweight boxing title was subsequently taken away. Ali, who converted to Islam and changed his name in 1964, cited religious reasons for his decision to forgo military service. However, in March 1967, Ali explained:

“I will not disgrace my religion, my people or myself by becoming a tool to enslave those who are fighting for their own justice, freedom and equality… If I thought the war was going to bring freedom and equality to 22 million of my people they wouldn’t have to draft me, I’d join tomorrow. But I either have to obey the laws of the land or the laws of Allah. I have nothing to lose by standing up for my beliefs. So I’ll go to jail. We’ve been in jail for four hundred years.”

On June 20, 1967, Ali was convicted of draft evasion, sentenced to five years in prison, fined $10,000 and banned from boxing for three years. He stayed out of prison as his case was appealed and returned to the ring on October 26, 1970. On June 28, 1971, the Supreme Court of the United States overturned his conviction for refusing the draft.Muhammad Ali would go on to be an international symbol of strength and perserverance despite incredible odds. His public battle with Parkinson’s disease while maintaining a very active lifestyle inspired millions.

3. Tommie Smith and John Carlos

On October 16, 1968, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, winners of the gold and bronze medals in the 200 meter sprint, bowed their heads and each raised one fist in protest during the playing of the national anthem. The men wore black socks with no shoes to symbolize poverty in many African American communities, and black gloves to represent our strength. Smith also wore a scarf and Carlos wore beads in memory of lynching victims. Both men were banished by the International Olympic Committee and suspended from the United States team. They both suffered ostracism from the track and field community and Olympic community for years afterward. Tommie Smith is quoted as saying:

“It was only done to bring attention to the atrocities of which we were experiencing in a country that was supposed to represent us.”

Prior to the Olympics, both men were involved with the Olympic Project for Human Rights (OPHR) where they had originally called for a boycott of the 1968 Mexico City Olympic Games unless four conditions were met: 1) South Africa and Rhodesia were uninvited from the Olympics because they were nations that practiced apartheid, 2) the restoration of Muhammad Ali’s world heavyweight boxing title, 3) Avery Brundage to step down as president of the IOC, who they believe supported racist regimes, and 4) the hiring of more African American assistant coaches. Although the boycott failed to materialize, the men still made history.

4. Jackie Robinson

In his 1972 autobiography, I Never Had It Made, American Baseball League Hall of Famer Jackie Robinson, described the moment when he confronted his own hesitation to stand during the National Anthem at a major league baseball game.

“There I was,” he wrote. “The black grandson of a slave, the son of a black sharecropper, part of a historic occasion, a symbolic hero to my people. The air was sparkling. The sunlight was warm. The band struck up the national anthem. The flag billowed in the wind. It should have been a glorious moment for me as the stirring words of the national anthem poured from the stands. Perhaps, it was, but then again, perhaps, the anthem could be called the theme song for a drama called The Noble Experiment. Today, as I look back on that opening game of my first world series, I must tell you that it was Mr. Rickey’s drama and that I was only a principal actor.” He continued:

“As I write this twenty years later, I cannot stand and sing the anthem. I cannot salute the flag; I know that I am a black man in a white world. In 1972, in 1947, at my birth in 1919, I know that I never had it made.”

Throughout his historic career, Robinson was the target of racial epithets, baseball field violence, hate letters, and death threats.

4. Charles Roach

Born in Trinidad and Tobago, Charles Roach immigrated to Canada in 1955. He attended the University of Toronto Law School and became an important civil rights attorney and activist in Toronto.

Roach sought Canadian citizenship; however, it never materialized because he refused to swear loyalty to a colonialist sovereign. To become a Canadian citizen, one must pledge the following: “I… do swear that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada, Her Heirs and Successors. So help me God.” As a result of refusing to pledge, Roach gave up the right to vote, run for public office, and attain a Canadian passport. However, non-citizens bear the burden of still paying the same taxes as regular citizens and the risk of deportation for committing certain crimes. Roach also reportedly declined an opportunity to become a judge over his principled stance against taking the oath.

Throughout his career, he fought to change Canada’s citizenship requirements to allow people to swear an oath to Canada instead of the throne, which he said represented a legacy of oppression, imperialism and racism. For the majority of his adult life, he fought several court cases where he argued that an oath of allegiance to a sovereign is unconstitutional. The cases proved unsuccessful, but his fight gained much attention and support. As he stated in 2011:

“I don’t believe that anyone should have a political status just because of your birth and I feel strongly about that. For that reason, I wouldn’t take an oath to any such institution, which is based on race and religion.”

Roach had several high profile cases where he aided members of the Black Panthers from the United States who were seeking political asylum in Canada. He also helped form the Black Action Defence Committee, which pushed for the creation of Ontario’s Special Investigations Unit, a civilian-led unit, which investigates cases where officers seriously injure or kill people.

Despite efforts of long time colleagues, when Roach passed away in 2012, Canada refused to grant Roach citizenship posthumously.

5. Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf

In 1996, Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf was a starting point guard for the Denver Nugggets. During the national anthem, he would stretch or stay inside the locker room instead of taking the floor. When a reporter finally asked about it, Abdul-Rauf said he viewed the American flag as a symbol of oppression and racism. Abdul-Rauf also said standing for the anthem would conflict with his Muslim faith.

“You can’t be for God and for oppression…” he said at the time. “I don’t criticize those who stand, so don’t criticize me for sitting.”

Abdul-Rauf was suspended for one game on March 12, 1996. The NBA cited a rule that players must line up in a “dignified posture” for the anthem. Although the player’s union supported him, he lost $32,000 in salary. For the remainder of the season, Abdul-Rauf agreed to stand but to pray for the oppressed with his head down during the national anthem. At the end of the season, the Nuggets traded Abdul-Rauf to the Sacramento Kings. At the time, he was leading the team in points (19.2) and averaged 6.2 assists. After his contract expired in 1998, he played overseas and had a brief stint back in the league with the Vancouver Grizzlies in the 2000-2001 season.

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Information attained from:

“The Meaning of July Fourth for the Negro” http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4h2927.html
Muhammad Ali refuses Army induction, http://www.history.com/this-day-in-history/muhammad-ali-refuses-army-induction
“Muhammad Ali Refuses to Fight in Vietnam (1967) http://alphahistory.com/vietnamwar/muhammad-ali-refuses-to-fight-1967/
David Davis, Olympic Athletes Who Took a Stand, SMITHSONIAN MAGAZINE, http://www.smithsonianmag.com/people-places/olympic-athletes-who-took-a-stand-593920/?no-ist
Andy Blatchford, After decades fighting monarchy oath in citizenship requirements, Toronto activist dies without becoming Canadian, The Canadian Press http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/charles-roach-dies-before-court-rules-on-oath-to-queen-for-citizenship
Jesse Washington, Still no anthem, still no regrets for Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf, http://theundefeated.com/features/abdul-rauf-doesnt-regret-sitting-out-national-anthem/
Kirsten West Savali, Jackie Robinson in 1972: ‘I Cannot Stand and Sing the Anthem; I Cannot Salute the Flag’ http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2016/08/jackie-robinson-colin-kaepernick-star-bangled-banner/

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About The Author

20 Quotes to Inspire Young Women

Sometimes you need to call on the words of our great ancestors and elders for motivation and inspiration. Here are 20 quotes by amazing women to inspire you and the young girls in your life.

1. “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance.” – bell hooks

2. “In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

3. “When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” – Audre Lorde

4. “A lot of people refuse to do things because they don’t want to go naked, don’t want to go without guarantee. But that’s what’s got to happen. You go naked until you die.” – Nikki Giovanni

5. “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker

6. “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey

7. “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” – Wilma Rudolph

8. “Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way.” – Nikki Giovanni

9. “Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.” – Audre Lorde

10. “Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do.” – Maya Angelou

11. “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” – Lorraine Hansberry

12. “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lena Horne

13. “We have to talk about liberating minds as well as liberating society.” – Angela Davis

14. “Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou

15. “Don’t feel entitled to anything you didn’t sweat and struggle for.” – Marian Wright Edelman

16. “There’s always something to suggest that you’ll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving.” – Phylicia Rashad

17. “You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas.” – Shirley Chisholm

18. “Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go—purge yourself . . . If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” – Tina Turner

19. “I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.” – Nikki Giovanni

20. “I am not tragically colored. There is no great sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. . . . Even in the helter-skelter skirmish that is my life, I have seen that the world is to the strong regardless of a little pigmentation more or less. No, I do not weep at the world—I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.” – Zora Neale Hurston

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About The Author

5 Things You Can Give Your Kids (Besides Money) To Show You Love Them

As good parents we are constantly evaluating how our children are doing and how our parenting is helping to provide a supportive environment that lets our kids grow. It’s easy to feel inadequate. Here are 5 things I’ve learned can show my love when I feel like I am falling short.

by Rick McCray

Being a parent is hard. One moment you think you are doing everything correctly and the next minute you feel like an unfair dictator. As good parents we are constantly evaluating how our children are doing and how our parenting is helping to provide a supportive environment that lets our kids grow. It’s easy to feel inadequate. Here are 5 things I’ve learned can show my love when I feel like I am falling short.

1. Wisdom

My mother has wonderful stories. My favorite times growing up were sitting with her and my sister at the kitchen table while she told a story from her past. I learned that she and one of her brothers would go to the woods in her hometown in North Carolina and pretend to be Tarzan by swinging on actual vines, running around, and yelling as loud as they could. I learned that pigs actually bark similarly to dogs and female pigs are so protective of their babies that they become violent to anyone that comes near them. I learned that my grandmother began to cook for her whole family at 4 years old and that sense of responsibility was taught to my mother and her six siblings. Through telling stories about her life, my mother was teaching me that my young life was somehow connected to a rich history of wonderful people.

“Our lived experience can serve as a constant fountain of knowledge for our children.”

Our lived experience can serve as a constant fountain of knowledge for our children. The trick is knowing how to share our lived experience with our children in a helpful manner that keeps them listening without feeling talked down to. Sharing what we know allows our children another viewpoint to consider when they are called upon to make important life choices. At some point every child must walk alone. However, during that walk we can help our children take all their experiences with them, whether lived or learned from others.

2. Honesty

My father, who passed away this year, was brutally honest. He would give me his thoughts on any subject whether I wanted them or not. Sometimes, I would seek out his advice because I knew he would tell me the truth as he saw it. When I was about ten I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong with the whole Santa Claus scenario. All the shows I watched and pictures I saw made him out to be this huge fat man who came into houses through chimneys. It just didn’t add up that a fat guy could come down our chimney on Christmas Eve without any of us hearing him.

I decided to ask my father because I knew he would tell me the truth. I approached him and asked, “Is Santa Claus real?” He looked at me with a puzzled look and almost laughed, “No, your mother and I get you that stuff.” I was so relieved that I knew the truth and could stop being paranoid about Santa sneaking into our home.

Being honest with our children about life is a gift that will continually bless them. When a child knows that he can ask us a question and get a truthful answer, that means the level of trust we share grows immensely. He is more likely to be honest with us if he knows that we value and practice dealing in truth. Dishonesty is a trait we see from too many of our politicians, religious and business leaders. A child is more likely to come to us for advice or at least a different take on a situation when he knows we won’t have a hidden agenda to bend the truth. Honesty from a parent gives a child another source of reliable information in their life.

3. Vulnerability

When I was about eleven, my paternal grandfather passed away. My family went to Philadelphia for his funeral. After the funeral we were all in a hotel room together when my father started crying. He was laying on the bed and I was beside him and he gave me a big hug and cried. I remember laying on his chest with his arm around me and feeling safe and loved. I knew he was going through terrible pain about the death of his dad, but as his son, I was just happy to be close to him like that – no matter the circumstance.

“When we stand on a pedestal of constant perfection, it only gives us a longer way to fall.”

Often, we want our kids to see us as superheroes. However, the really good superhero stories involve the hero showing his humanity and vulnerability. When our children see us show real emotion and show that we also need people, it allows them to see us as people. No one is perfect. When we stand on a pedestal of constant perfection, it only gives us a longer way to fall. In addition, if our children think of us as an impossible standard to live up to, that can lead to feelings of guilt and inadequacy in them. Don’t be afraid to be human.

4. Quality Time

When I was in high school, I practiced debate. My team would travel around North Carolina competing at different high schools. During one trip my mother agreed to be a judge for “Dramatic Interpretation,” which was a debate competition where students would act out a portion from a contemporary or older dramatic play or book. This wasn’t a category of debate that I participated in, so I was able to sneak in when I wasn’t competing and watch my mother judge other competitors. There were people who were sad, angry, hilarious, and intense. Everyone brought their “A” game, and they all seemed like actual actors who could be on television or the big screen. My mother loved it and talked about her volunteer day for years afterwards. I loved it because I got to see my mother take a genuine interest in something I loved.

Time is the one thing that we can never replenish. Spending quality time with our children – listening to them, playing with them, and going on adventures with them by our side are some of the most fulfilling things we will do as a parents. Think about the people you loved that you have lost in your life. All you have left of them is your memories together. Each day that goes by without them makes those memories sweeter and more important. Personally, I want to spend as much time as I can with my children so when I’m gone they have a massive bank of positivity to pull from when remembering me.

5. Patience

My sons take their time when they eat. My oldest son will eat his food, tiny bite by tiny bite, while picking at every crumb on his plate. He will have 1/10th of a sandwich left and will nibble and nibble at it until it is finally gone. My youngest son likes to talk and eat, so he will tell me about a story of some kid in his class, take a bite, then tell me about a cartoon he was watching. He may even mix in a few hummed bars from a song he heard. A breakfast that should have taken 15 minutes, ends up taking closer to 45 minutes. During morning walks to school, my oldest picks up every acorn. My youngest has to say hello to every bug. Cute as it is, when we are rushing, this can try every fiber of my patience.

“We must respect our children as new soul travelers on this planet who need to take their time with everything that is exciting and new.”

Our children test our patience every day. Yet patience is what children need almost more than anything else. When my patience is tried, I remind myself that my children are younger than me by a multiple. They are learning this big, new world one morsel at a time. We must respect our children as new soul travelers on this planet who need to take their time with everything that is exciting and new. Be patient, be patient, be patient (I’m saying it to remind myself as well). If necessary, allow yourself the extra time to accomplish errands or get to school/work. They have all of adulthood to rush.

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a married father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast. Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.