Month: September 2016

Decision 2016: What You Need to Know

The stakes are high in the upcoming presidential election. Often it is hard to sift through the political rhetoric and get to the core of the candidates stance on important issues. After reviewing their websites, we have outlined the candidates stances on key issues impacting parents in our communities.

The stakes are high in the upcoming presidential election.  In can be difficult sifting through the political rhetoric and getting to the core of the candidates stance on important issues. After reviewing their websites, we have outlined the candidates stances on key issues impacting parents in our communities.

On Education

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

  • Secretary Clinton wants preschool to be standard for every four year old child in the United States.
  • Secretary Clinton said she does not think any family should have to pay in excess of 10% of their income in childcare.  To ensure this she wants to increase government investments in child care.
  • Secretary Clinton believes that the child care workforce in the United States is underpaid and the quality of child care and early learning could be improved by raising the pay for these workers.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to raise government expenditure on Early Head Start and the Early Head Start-Child Care Partnership Program at least twofold.
  • Secretary Clinton supports initiatives like evidence-based home visiting programs; these involve social workers or nurses visiting a mother in her home during and immediately after pregnancy.  She wants to increase women’s access to these type of programs.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to help college students who are supporting children while attending school by offering scholarships of $1,500 to as many as one million students.  The scholarship funds could be used for child care or emergency financial aid.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to increase government funding for child care centers on college campuses to provide more support for parents who are also attending college.

Donald Trump

  • Donald Trump wants to have an immediate federal investment of twenty billion dollars for school choice; this is the premise that parents can pick where their child attends school without geographic limitations.  He claims this can be accomplished by redistributing current federal dollars.
  • Mr. Trump wants to give this twenty billion dollars to states that have favorable laws regarding school choice; specifically for private schools, magnet schools and charter schools.  He also wants states to allow funds to go with an individual student to the school they attend.
  • Mr. Trump wants to set a federally mandated goal that school choice be available to every family with school aged children that live in poverty.
  • Mr. Trump wants the states to all contribute $110 billion dollars of their education budgets toward school choice, in combination with the federal funds of $20 billion dollars, which he claims will provide $12,000 in school choice funds for every student who lives in poverty from Kindergarten through Twelfth Grade.
  • Mr. Trump wants to collaborate with Congress on legislation that would ensure universities are making a good faith effort to reduce college debt as a consideration for the federal aid that the universities receive.
  • Mr. Trump has a goal to make it easier for people to attend, pay for and finish two or four year colleges or pursue trades through vocational education.

On Police Violence

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

  • Secretary Clinton proposes to prevent police-involved shootings by: 1) having a set of national standards around how to manage the situations including training to prevent situations and 2) restore bonds between communities and law enforcement by investing in community policing and making sure that local police have the resources to build the resources in the community to prevent deadly incidents.
  • Secretary Clinton has said she wants to end private prisons and immigrant detention centers.
  • Secretary Clinton has been criticized for her and her family’s involvement in the War on Drugs at home and abroad, and the implications that has had on communities of color.

Donald Trump

  • Donald Trump commented on the police shooting deaths of two black men, Terence Crutcher in Oklahoma and Keith Lamont Scott in North Carolina, in mid-September 2016 and noted that Crutcher appeared to be complying with law enforcement.
  • Trump has expressed his support for law enforcement. At the candidates first televised debate on September 26, 2016, he reiterated the answer to police violence in communities of color is “law and order.”
  • Trump believes the previously ruled unconstitutional “Stop and Frisk” policy was “so incredible, the way it worked.” At the September 26, 2016 debate, he again argued it efficacy in reducing crime.

On the Economy

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

  • Secretary Clinton wants to pass legislation in her first 100 days that would create a large federal investment in infrastructure to promote massive job creation.
  • Secretary Clinton’s goal is to make college debt free and to help people with student debt refinance their loans.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to promote legislation that benefits companies that have profit sharing plans with their employees and punish companies that take their jobs overseas by taking away their tax breaks.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to increase the taxes on Wall Street firms and the richest Americans in the country to pay for her other initiatives.
  • Secretary Clinton says she will fight for equal pay and guaranteed paid leave.

Donald Trump

  • Donald Trump’s goal is to create an economy that will add 25 million new jobs over the next ten years.
  • Mr. Trump wants to change the tax policy, create an “America-First” trade policy and take away regulations on American energy policy.
  • He has a goal to increase economic growth by at least 3.5% per year.

On Health Care

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

  • Secretary Clinton says she will fight against a Republican Congress to preserve the Affordable Care Act and wants to expand it to cover more people.  She also wants to allow people over 55 years old to buy into Medicare.
  • Secretary Clinton has a goal to help reduce copays and deductibles arguing that this can be done because there has been a slower growth of national spending on health care.
  • Secretary Clinton has a goal to promote legislation that will reduce costs for prescription drugs.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to increase competition in the drug making business to reduce costs to consumers and create punitive measures for companies that raise their drug prices suddenly.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to give incentives to states to expand Medicaid and increase access to health insurance for poor citizens.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to allow families to purchase health insurance on the health exchanges regardless of their immigration status.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to ensure that all American women have access to inexpensive contraception, legal abortions, and preventative care.

Donald Trump 

  • Donald Trump wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act and replace it with Health Savings Accounts (HSAs).
  • Mr. Trump wants to collaborate with Congress to create a replacement health care system for the Affordable Care Act.
  • Mr. Trump wants to collaborate with states to guarantee access to health insurance coverage for people who have not had continuous coverage.
  • Mr. Trump wants to allow citizens to buy insurance in every state across state lines to create a sustainable insurance market.
  • Mr. Trump wants to give block grants to states to allow them to design their Medicaid programs to deliver coverage to their poorer residents.

On Taxes

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton

  • Secretary Clinton wants to promote legislation that will close tax advantage loopholes for millionaires and billionaires and add a surcharge tax to capture more of their income to ensure their tax rate is equivalent with other Americans.
  • Secretary Clinton wants to close tax loopholes that benefit major corporations and firms on Wall Street and wants companies to be charged an “exit tax” that leave the United States.
  • Secretary Cinton has a goal to reduce taxes for small businesses and simplify their process for tax compliance to encourage them to spend more money on investing in their business.
  • Secretary Clinton has a goal to provide a reduced tax burden for working families that face rising cots for goods and services.
  • Secretary Clinton believes that by taxing the wealthiest individuals and major corporations she can pay for debt free college and major infrastructure investment by the federal government without increasing the country’s debt.

Donald Trump

  • Donald Trump wants to reduce tax rates for every group and especially for those who are working and middle class Americans.
  • Mr. Trump says he wants to ensure the rich are paying an adequate amount, but worries about destroying job creation and minimizing America’s ability to compete.
  • Mr. Trump says he wants to eliminate loopholes for special inerests, but also decrease the business tax rate.
  • Mr. Trump wants to allow families to deduct fully the average cost of childcare from their taxes; this would include stay at home parents as well.

 

Remember, although the presidential election gets the most press, other federal, local, state, and municipal elections are just as important! Register, do your research and most importantly, VOTE! For more information, on elections and deadlines in your state, visit Ballotpedia.org.

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Information attained from:

hillaryclinton.com

donaldjtrump.com

ballotpedia.com

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a maRAMrried father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast.  Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.

25 Positive Affirmations For Parents

Though the ability to parent is a gift and a blessing, it can also be tough. It’s easy for self doubt to creep in which can leave you questioning your ability and worthiness. Say these 25 positive affirmations to get you on the right track.

Though the ability to parent is a gift and a blessing, it can also be tough.  It’s easy for self doubt to creep in which can leave you questioning your ability and worthiness.  Say these 25 positive affirmations to get you on the right track.

  1. I love my child.

  2. I am loved.

  3. I am strong.

  4. I am reliable.

  5. I am capable.

  6. I am motivated by love in caring for my child.

  7. I act in my child’s best interests.

  8. I can manage my child’s needs.

  9. I show my children I love them.

  10. I enjoy my children.

  11. I respect my children.

  12. I challenge myself.

  13. I am not afraid.

  14. I am present.

  15. I have good judgment.

  16. I am intuitive.

  17. I am consistent.

  18. I am fair.

  19. I am patient and calm.

  20. I am worthy of self-care.

  21. I am worthy of respect.

  22. I am doing my best.

  23. I am inspiring.

  24. I am valued.

  25. I am needed.

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    About The Author

    Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

5 Amazing Facts About the NEW Smithsonian National Museum of African-American History and Culture

On Saturday, September 24, 2016, the National Museum of African-American History and Culture will open to incredible fanfare in Washington, D.C. This magnificent museum is finally opening after decades of hard work from luminaries who were dedicated to creating a national archive that told the our story of strength and perseverance. Here are five facts about how we got to this glorious day.

On Saturday, September 24, 2016, the National Museum of African-American History and Culture will open to incredible fanfare in Washington, D.C.  This magnificent museum is finally opening after decades of hard work from luminaries who were dedicated to creating a national archive that told our story of strength and perseverance.  Here are five facts about how we got to this glorious day.

1. For Founding Director, Lonnie G. Bunch III, the National Museum of African-American History and Culture has been almost 40 years in the making.

Lonnie Bunch has wide-ranging experience in making history come alive.  In the 1980s, he served as the curator of history and program manager for the California Afro-American Museum.  In this role he organized successful exhibitions like, “Black Angelenos: The Afro-American in Los Angeles, 1850-1950” which was an award-winning feature that explored the Black contribution to Los Angeles history and culture.  He also produced historical documentaries that aired on public television.

His work with the Smithsonian began in 1989 when he worked as a supervising curator for the National Museum of American History.  During his tenure, he managed curatorial staff, worked on educational projects, and helped create the “Smithsonian’s America” for the American Festival Japan 1994.  This was an exhibit presented in Japan, which revealed the history, culture and diversity of the United States of America.

He has taught at his alma mater, American University, and the University of Massachusetts in Dartmouth, and George Washington University.  He is a prolific author and has either written, co-written, or contributed to over thirty books.  He has traveled internationally and given lectures on education and museum curation to professionals throughout the globe.  He was appointed the Founding Director for the National Museum of African-American History and Culture in 2005.

2. Over 75% of donations from individuals came from the African American community!

The Museum’s final price tag was $540 million.  In 2003, Congress passed the legislation establishing the Museum and pledged to fund $270 million or half of the Museum’s expense.  Interestingly, previous Smithsonian museums had received all or most of their funds from the government.  The shortfall was made up by donations from major corporate sponsors and our community.  Churches, fraternities, sororities, celebrities and civic organizations were galvanized for the fundraising effort.  Over 75% of donations from individuals came from the African American community.  Over $4 million in funds came from people donating in amounts less than $1,000.  Oprah Winfrey has been the largest donor at $21 million.  As of this writing, the Museum has raised over $315 million in private funds which far exceeded the congressional requirement.

3. The museum’s collection was built from scratch.

Museum Director Lonnie Bunch and the other organizers of the museum had the monumental task of building the collection from scratch.  Unlike any of the Smithsonian’s eighteen previous museums, the National Museum of African-American History and Culture was created without any artifacts on hand.  To grow a collection, the organizers came up with the unique idea of “Saving African-American Treasures,” which was a 15 city tour launched in 2009.  During this effort, they encouraged Americans to donate family heirlooms to the museum.  The result was amazing.  Precious artifacts were found hidden in the community.  One woman from Virginia Beach, Virginia donated Nat Turner’s Bible which had been kept safe in her closet for decades!  It is estimated that over half of the Museum’s 37,000 artifacts came from donations.

4. The building’s architecture is an ode to African and African-American roots.

The principle architect for the building, David Adjaye, wanted the building to be unique and speak to the creativity of Africans throughout the Diaspora.  The building is inspired by a Yoruban caryatid, which is a column popular in West Africa with a corona at its peak.  The building’s patterns also allude to architecture found in Georgia and South Carolina that was built by enslaved and freed Blacks.  This metalwork inspired Mr. Adjaye and the bronze color and shape of the building is an additional aspect similar to that Southern style of architecture.

5. The fight to create a museum to honor our history initially began in the 1800’s.

The idea to create a museum that honored African-American history started from a desire to create a museum that honored Black Civil War veterans.  After different permutations of honoring African Americans with a national museum festered, the strongest push came in the 1980s.  In 1988, Mickey Leland who was a Representative in the United States House of Representatives from the state of Texas, co-sponsored legislation with fellow Representative and Civil Rights legend John Lewis of Georgia to establish a museum honoring African-American history.  Mr. Leland died in a plane crash the next year, so Mr. Lewis took up the cause himself.  Each year for the next fifteen years, Mr. Lewis proposed his legislation but it was defeated.  In 1994, it passed the House of Representatives but staunch segregationist Jesse Helms of North Carolina filibustered against the bill and it died in the Senate.

It was not until the early 2000s when Republicans like Representative J.C. Watts of Oklahoma and Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas showed their support that the bill was passed.  On December 16, 2003, George W. Bush signed H.R. 3491 into law which authorized a Smithsonian Institution museum created to honor the legacy of African Americans in America.

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Information attained from:

Michael Kimmelman, “David Adjaye on Designing a Museum that Speaks a Different Language”, New York Times, published September 21, 2016, http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/22/arts/design/david-adjaye-museum-of-african-american-history-and-culture.html?action=click&contentCollection=Art%20%26%20Design&module=RelatedCoverage&region=EndOfArticle&pgtype=article

Graham Bowley, “How the Fight for a National African American Museum was Won”, New York Times, published September 4,2016, http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/05/arts/design/how-the-fight-for-a-national-african-american-museum-was-won.html

Lonnae O’Neal, “Our place in America: New Smithsonian museum portrays the furious flowering of black history and culture”, The Undefeated/ESPN.com, published September 22, 2016, http://theundefeated.com/features/smithsonian-museum-of-african-american-history-our-place-in-america/

African American Registry, “H.R. 3491 Signed to create African American museum in Washington,”http://www.aaregistry.org/historic_events/view/hr3491-signed-create-african-american-museum-washington

Newsdesk, “Staff Biographies: Lonnie G. Bunch III,” Smithsonian, http://newsdesk.si.edu/about/bios/lonnie-g-bunch

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a maRAMrried father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast.  Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.

 

 

 

 

 

From Long Beach to Valedictorian: Interview with University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon

Pursuing a dream is rarely, if ever, easy. Along the way, you inevitably face set-backs and obstacles that stop many people before they even started. University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon is not one of those people. Check out the inspiring story of his road to success.

Pursuing a dream is rarely, if ever, easy.  Along the way, you inevitably face set-backs and obstacles that stop many people before they even started.  University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon is not one of those people. Check out the inspiring story of his road to success.

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Q. Tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? Where do you live? How would people who know you describe you? 

A. I was born and raised in Long Beach, NY.  I currently reside in Millington, TN.  I am very outgoing, laid back, silly, and all about positive thinking.

Q. Describe your job. 

A. I am the Kitchen Manager/Head Chef over Residential Dining at the University of Memphis.  I am responsible for ensuring over 1,200 people are fed daily.  On a daily basis, I lead a crew of cooks to produce food from standardized recipes.  In addition to overseeing the food production, I do the ordering, keep track of inventory, station merchandising, and training, just to name a few of my tasks.

Q. What were you doing before you decided to pursue culinary arts?

A. I owned a bread route in the Memphis Area, waking up at 2:30am, 7 days a week.

Q. What made you decide to change careers?

A. I ruptured my Achilles tendon.  Being a route owner, I was forced to sell my route due to being physically unable to run my business  effectively.

“I have two children that mean the world to me.  I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams.  So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.”

Q. What did you have to do to pursue your current career? For example, education, internships, certifications. How much time did it take? 

A. I started school at the age of 33, with NO restaurant knowledge.  I used financial aid assistance, student loan approval (40k), a lot of determination and on crutches.  I spent two years in Culinary School.  Then, I worked as a Sous chef for 3 years and I have been working catering events for 3 years.

Q. Who was your biggest inspiration? Mentors? Family? Friends?

I would most definitely say my mother.  To watch her have the strength to raise 4 children and fight and defeat her demons gave me that kick I needed to not just “TRY” but “DO.”

Q. What was your biggest motivation? In other words, what kept you going?

A. I have two children that mean the world to me.  I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams.  So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.

Q. Did you experience any setbacks? How did you overcome them?

My only setback was the inconvenience of being partially disabled, due to crutches and a walking cast.  Since I was unable to hang out or do a lot of ripping/running, I utilized my time to study fiercely.

“When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it.  Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great.  Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.”

Q. If you had a chance to go back in time and speak to your 15 year old self, a) would he be surprised to see where you are now? b) what would you say to him?

A. If I could speak to the skinny young me, I’d probably laugh at the weight I’ve gained, since I never thought, I could gain weight. I know I’d be giving myself a high five being that I made the decision back then that these streets will always be here.  I would tell young me to focus more in school.  You have a brain so use it and stop worrying if your so called friends are jealous. Do you with no holdbacks.

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Q. What advice would you give to someone thinking about pursuing culinary arts or going after any dream?

If going into the culinary arts field, know for sure that this is what you want.  If you are going just to learn how to cook using different methods, that’s cool, but very expensive if you are not putting the learned knowledge to use.  If you are going to become a great chef, who is passionate about his/her craft, and wants to teach others, then by all means, the right program is worth it.  When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it.  Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great.  Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.

Q. Any long-term goals or dreams?

I hope to one day be able to instruct urban youth on how to prepare nutritional meals.  I have been blessed with a strong culinary IQ, and I would love more than anything to help the youth and have the tradition carried on.

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Minute Mentor provides a space for real people to tell their stories so if you or your little one is in search of mentorship on how to achieve their dreams, you can look no further than right here! Sometimes the best inspiration comes from seeing someone that looks like you achieving similar goals.

If you have any questions or comments for the featured guest, leave a comment, and we will do our best to bring it to their attention! Happy imagining!

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Tears for Jordan*

One mom’s emotional reflection on parenting in the era of increased gun violence.

Featured Photo (c) Faye McCray 2016 All rights reserved.

He’s up from nap.

He stretches his long legs out over his blue and green sheets, snuggling his curly hair into his pillow.  He opens his big brown eyes and looks at me, a soft smile on his face, then he closes his eyes again, turning so his chubby golden cheeks nestle deep into his pillow.  He curls in a ball, drawing his knees to his chest and breathing softly.  He looks so tiny in his new big boy bed.  His three-year-old frame only making up a third of its length.  The rest crowded with his stuffed animal friends and fluffy comforter.

Are you up, baby?

I whisper it, kneeling beside his bed and breathing in his smell.  He smells like cookies and clay.  From the morning of playtime and the snack he just had to have.  I kiss his nose and he wipes it away, sitting up slowly.  His bare feet dangling over the edge of his bed and his eyes still hanging low from sleep.  I watch as a soft yawn escapes his tiny pink lips.  I remember him as the colorless baby, swaddled and content, nestled in my arms as I dreamed for him, wondering what his new life would bring.  Fresh steps, new soul.

Now, he reaches his arms out for me and I lift him.  Letting him nestle his head into that soft dip near my collarbone, and wrap his little legs around my waist.  I feel his body release a heavy sigh.

He is safe and he feels it.  I run my hand over his warm back, and I do too.

He fills me.  My soul forever pregnant.  Giving birth to thoughts and plans of his life and his brother’s, mine, ours and theirs.  I remember the love that made them.  The love that sustains them.  I nourish it so we witness them hand-in-hand.  I nourish my mind so I don’t miss a moment.  I dream of being silver-haired and watching the children they make, play off a country porch, their shadows dancing at sunset in a lake.  Smiling to myself, content.  Lived and full.

But now I cry.

My tears are puddles at my feet.  Joining in the streams that fill the rivers, staining the Diaspora.  For Lucia and Sybrina.  For Emmett, Addie Mae, Cynthia, Carole and Denise’s Mommies.  For Hadiya’s Mommy.  For Baltimore’s Mommies.  For Chicago’s.  For Detroit’s.  For New York City’s.  For all the dreams halted by bullets.  The joy buried in caskets.  The Mommy’s whose babies they were helpless to protect.  Guns loaded with worthlessness both mandated by a careless society and perpetuated needlessly by its victims.

It’s all hate crimes.

I once again lower my head beneath a stream of water and wash a festering sore.  Hoping to rinse away the virus infecting my dreams.  The virus that worries about the evil in others, the criminalization of the beautiful brown skin love made, and the lowered expectations of every teacher under a brainwashed spell.  That virus that caused me to worry when my sons grew out of their toddler clothes because I knew it was only a matter of time before the world stopped seeing the beauty I did.  Before those kind smiles and waves from strangers, became purse clutching, eye-avoiding fear, nurtured and fostered by an unkind media and an unfair justice system.

I place a Band-Aid on the festering sore and dream awake.  The lullaby of lies is only comforting to the unconscious.

My eyes are open now.

He’s awake.

 

*In 2012, after an argument over loud music, Michael Dunn, a 47-yr old white Floridian fired ten shots into a carful of unarmed black teenagers, killing Jordan Davis, a seventeen year old boy.  Yesterday, after more than thirty hours of deliberation, a jury found Dunn guilty of three counts of attempted second degree murder and one count of firing into an occupied car.  A mistrial was declared on the first-degree murder charge.

This post originally appeared on http://www.fayemccray.com.

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

20 Life-Changing Quotes on Parenting

I didn’t know my capacity to love until I had my children. I didn’t know how fiercely I would fight to protect them. I didn’t know how motivated I would be to leave the world a better place. Parenting has inspired great thinkers, artists and activists past and present. Here are 20 quotes on parenting by some of the greats to give you inspiration and solidarity as you navigate rearing the loves of your lives.

I didn’t know my capacity to love until I had my children.  I didn’t know how fiercely I would fight to protect them. I didn’t know how motivated I would be to leave the world a better place.  Parenting has inspired great thinkers, artists and activists, past and present.  Here are 20 quotes on parenting by some of the greats to give you inspiration and solidarity as you navigate rearing the loves of your lives.

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1. “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

2. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” – Kahlil Gibran

3. “My most important title is still mom-in-chief.  My daughters are still the heart of my heart and the center of my world.” – Michelle Obama

4. “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.” – Cheryl Lacey Donovan

5. “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson

6. “The reality is that most of us communicate the same way that we grew up. That communication style becomes our normal way of dealing with issues, our blueprint for communication. It’s what we know and pass on to our own children. We either become our childhood or we make a conscious choice to change it.” – Kristen Crockett

7. “In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” – N.K. Jemisin

8. “You don’t have favourites among your children, but you do have allies. ” – Zadie Smith

9. “When mother-cow is chewing grass its young ones watch its mouth” – Chinua Achebe

10. “To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.” – Maya Angelou

11. “Black people love their children with a kind of obsession. You are all we have, and you come to us endangered.” – Ta-Nehisi Coates

12. “Loving someone as fiercely as my mom loves me must be like wearing your heart outside of your body with no skin, no bones, no nothing to protect it.” – Nicola Yoon

13. “The best thing she was, was her children.” – Toni Morrison

14. “Beautiful is the man who leaves a legacy that of shared love and life. It is he who transfers meaning, assigns significance and conveys in his loving touch the fine art and gentle shaping of a life. This man shall be called, Father.” – Stella Payton

15. “Behind every great man is a man greater, his father.” – Habeeb Akande

16. “The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of ways.” – Unknown

17. “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. DuBois

18. “Family doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be flawless. It doesn’t have to be what you had in mind. You can’t control it. But it is a gymnasium for love to work out in.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes

19. “I tried to be the greatest boxer in the world and a good parent, too. I had instant feedback on my success as a boxer. Often, parents don’t really know if what they are doing is right or wrong until their child is grown and it is too late to change any of the decisions. Whatever my failings as a parent, I am very proud of all my children. It wasn’t easy for them to make their own way with such a controversial and public father.” – Muhammad Ali

20. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Living History: From the Black Panthers to Congress, Meet Bobby L. Rush

Congressman Bobby L. Rush has represented the 1st District of Illinois for over two decades. At almost 70, he has led a remarkable life full of activism and public service. Check out eight must know facts about this living legend.

Congressman Bobby L. Rush has represented the 1st District of Illinois for over two decades.  At almost 70, he has led a remarkable life full of activism and public service.  Check out eight must know facts about this living legend:

1. He co-founded the Illinois Black Panther Party in 1968.

While in the military and stationed in Chicago, Rush became a member of the Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee (SNCC).  He participated in civil disobedience demonstrations in the South and upon his return to Chicago, he co-founded the Illinois Chapter of the Black Panthers at the request of Stokely Carmichael who was one of his mentors in SNCC.  One of Rush’s most notable recruits to the Panthers was Fred Hampton who at the time was the head of the Youth Division of the NAACP.  Hampton went on to become an influential activist and one of the most famous Black Panthers.  He was murdered by Chicago police during a raid on his apartment on December 4, 1969.

2. He helped develop the nation’s first mass testing program for sickle cell anemia.

When Mr. Rush was Defense Minister for the Illinois Black Panther Party, he also administered the Panther Party’s Free Breakfast Program for Children and ran a free medical clinic in Chicago.  One of the initiatives created by the clinic was a massive testing program for sickle cell anemia which was the the first of its kind in the United States.  Through these efforts, the organization also raised public awareness of sickle cell anemia’s impact on Black citizens in Chicago.

3. He is a military veteran.

In 1963, Mr. Rush enlisted in the United States Army directly out of high school and served in the Army until 1968 when he was honorably discharged.  Throughout his political career, he has sponsored and supported bills that would aid veterans and their families.

4. He lost a son to gun violence.

On October 18, 1999, Huey Rich, the son of Bobby L. Rush who was named after Huey P. Newton, was shot and killed as he was walking to his apartment in Chicago.  He was murdered by two men in an armed robbery.  Mr. Rush has six other children with his wife Carolyn.

5. He was the last person to beat Barack Obama in an election.

During the 2000 Democratic Primary, Rush was challenged by a young State Senator named Barack Obama.  As an incumbent, Rush had a clear advantage and won the contest by over 80% of the vote.  Eight years later, he endorsed that same young State Senator for President of the United States in 2008.

6. In honor of Trayvon Martin, he spoke before the House of Representatives while wearing a hoodie.

On Wednesday, March 28, 2012, one month after the murder of teenager Trayvon Martin, while speaking before the House of Representatives, Rush took off his suit jacket, pulled a gray hoodie on over his head and put on sunglasses stating, “Just because someone wears a hoodie does not make them a hoodlum.” The teen was wearing a hoodie when we was murdered by George Zimmerman.  Rush went on to speak out against racial profiling and discrimination.  The House forbids its members from wearing hats, and Rush was called out of order and ultimately escorted from the hall. According to CNN, Rush said the purpose of putting on the hoodie was to send a message to young people, “to stand their ground, stand up and don’t stand down.”

7. He is a cancer survivor.

In 2008, Mr. Rush was diagnosed with a very rare form of salivary gland cancer.  A deep tumor was removed from his jaw and he went through months of a combination of radiation and chemotherapy.  When Mr. Rush was found to be cancer free, he went through speech and physical therapy.  His cancer scare prompted him to push for universal healthcare for all Americans.

8. He routinely wins reelection by over 70% of the vote.

Mr. Rush’s long history in Chicago of activism and public service has made him incredibly popular.  The predominately African American electorate consistently turns out for him every two years to re-elect him.  He has won each general election against Republican challengers from 1992 through 2014 with at least 73% of the vote going in his favor.

 

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Information attained from:

“Rush, Bobby L.” http://www.blackpast.org/aah/rush-bobby-l-1946

Biographical Directory of the United States Congress, http://bioguide.congress.gov/scripts/biodisplay.pl?index=R000515

John Mccormick, “A Father’s Anguished Journey”, Newsweek, published November 28, 1999, http://www.newsweek.com/fathers-anguished-journey-164318

Janny Scott, “In 2000, a Streetwise Veteran Schooled a Bold Young Obama”, New York Times, http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/09/us/politics/09obama.html?_r=0

Deirdre Walsh, “Lawmaker wearing hoodie removed from House floor”, http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/28/politics/congressman-hoodie/

 

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a maRAMrried father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast.  Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.

Let’s Talk About Discipline

I am constantly questioning my discipling decisions. I want to raise strong men and in doing so, it is important to me they understand the consequences of poor decisions. Here are five things I have learned to ask myself when deciding whether I made the right choice.

I am constantly questioning my discipling decisions.  I want to raise strong men and in doing so, it is important to me they understand the consequences of poor decisions.  I want to get it right so I can prepare them to make better choices in the future. Here are five things I have learned to ask myself when deciding whether I made the right choice:

1. Was my decision made in love?

My father passed away this year and at his funeral I told a story about the last whooping he gave me.  It began after my sister dared me to stick my head in between the iron bars on a staircase in our childhood home and stupidly, I accepted.  To make a long story short, it involved Herculean strength from my father, Country Crock butter, screaming from my mother, lots of crying (mostly from me), and finally, a spanking.  

While I remember very little about the pain of the spanking,  I remember how scared everyone was around me, including my father.  Although my father could have chosen a different approach to disciplining me, the spanking was calculated.  He wanted me to understand the severity of my actions and never do it again.  He acted out of fear but he also acted out of love.  Sometimes we react emotionally to our children’s behavior.  That is okay.  As long as we take a moment to make sure they understand the action we are taking is also in love.  

2. Did I include my co-parent in my decision?

When my eldest son was younger, I would get upset with him for talking to his mother about “man” things.  I felt certain conversations were not appropriate for him to have with his mom, and I would tell him as much when we were in private.  My wife hated this because she wants our sons to feel like there is nothing they can not speak to her about.  By making it seem wrong to talk to their mother about certain subjects, I was limiting their relationship with their mom.

Everyone disagrees at some point while raising kids.  However, in most situations, it is safe to assume that both you and your co-parent have the best interests of your children at heart.  My wife understood I was doing what I thought was best.  However, we had to come to an agreement to ensure our boys grow into emotionally healthy young men.  Although it would be unrealistic to discuss every action you take with your spouse, it is paramount you check in regularly to make sure you stay on the same team.

3. Am I taking advantage of teachable moments?

I cringe when I attempt to resolve a frustrating moment with my boys by yelling, “Because I said so!”  That phrase doesn’t do anything to help my boys understand the reason why they should do the right thing.  My goal as a parent is to raise extraordinary men of good character.  I don’t help them get there if I am just asking for rote actions without purpose.  That would only last as long as I am in front of them.

In each mistake, there is an opportunity to learn.  Although discipline is important, be sure to take the time to explain to your children why they are being punished. Help them understand the mistake they made and why it is important to make a different choice next time.

4. Was the punishment just?

As father of three, I’d like to be fair.  However, I have learned that fairness isn’t always guaranteed.   As an example, when my children fight. My eldest always faces tougher consequences because as the oldest and largest, he has the potential to really hurt his younger sibling.  While my eldest may rail against the fact that I am being harsher with him, the reality is that the circumstances warrant it.

When I discipline my sons, I try to assess the circumstances and react accordingly.  Being just as a parent does not mean you have the exact same answer for every situation; it means you make the best choice based on the situation.

5. Knowing what I know now, would I do it again?

My children are incredibly inquisitive.  As a result, they are constantly challenging boundaries.  It is a gift and a curse. We want our sons to question the world around them.  At the same time, it would be much easier on my wife and I if they didn’t question everything.  I’ve been guilty of punishing my children out of frustration.  However, if I send my son to his room and when he returns, we are both questioning why I sent him, then that was probably not the right move.  

As of this writing, I have been a dad for a little over nine years.  I have made about 10,043 mistakes.  While I am proud of the job I do as dad, I have had moments where I could have been better.  I think its crucial to our growth as parents to constantly ask yourself, if faced with the same decision tomorrow, would I take the same action?

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a maRAMrried father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast.  Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.

Be Good to Your Daughters

While the myth of the absent black father has been debunked again and again, it doesn’t negate the reality that some dads could be doing much better by their daughters.

In 2003, recording artist John Mayer won the Grammy Award for Song of the Year for his song “Daughters.”  In it, Mayer paints a somber picture of girls with father issues navigating relationships as adults. He warns, “on behalf of every man, looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world… so fathers, be good to your daughters.”  At the time, there were few things that annoyed me more than John Mayer (he was EVERYWHERE) but it was impossible to deny the truth in the song.  This year, Kelly Clarkson brought millions of people (including herself… and me) to tears when singing an acoustic version of her song, “Piece by Piece,” an emotional song reflecting on her disappointment with her own father.

I was reminded of these songs last night when I caught the tail end of Iyanla Vanzant’s reality show, Fix My Life.  The show focused on rehabilitating the so-called “Angry Black Woman.”  While the episode was everything you would expect, one theme rang true, so many of the women who were featured had issues that began with disappointment  in their fathers.

While the myth of the absent black father has been debunked again and again, it doesn’t negate the reality that some dads could be doing much better by their daughters.  My parents divorced when I was six and while my father was always present, it was impossible to ignore the void his physical absence left me with.  Luckily, I had two brothers, ten and twelve years older than me, who stepped up in ways he could not.  As I grew into a young lady and chose my spouse, here are some of things being loved by them taught me I needed.

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My brothers and I at my wedding in 2006. (c) Faye McCray

1. Be honest.

One of the more priceless lessons my eldest brother taught me was to recognize the humanity in the adults in my life.  It may seem like a simple lesson but when you’re a child, you tend to see your parents and other adults in your life as superhuman.  I think thats why it is so difficult to recover from childhood disappointment.  My brother was careful to dismantle the pedestal I put the adults in my life on… even him.  That way when they disappointed me, it didn’t crush me.

One of the most important things you can do for your daughter is be honest.  Don’t attempt to be superhuman by hiding your flaws or masking your vulnerability.  Admit when you made a mistake.  Admit when you lied. Tell her the truth even if it may hurt her.  Your honesty will help your daughter see you as a whole person.  That way when you disappoint her, and you will, she will recognize your humanity and not just see you as a liar.

2. Stand by your word.

My kids are constantly begging for things.  “Mommy, can we go here…” “Mommy, can we do this…”  Sometimes its easier to say, “Later” than “No” even if I know that saying “No” is inevitable.  The thing is, if you are constantly promising one thing and doing another, it won’t be long before your words means nothing.

In the words of Melania Trump… or First Lady Michelle Obama, “Your word is your bond.” If you say your going to be there, be there. If you say you are going to do something, do it.  If you aren’t sure you will be able to do either of those things, be honest about it.  Nothing stings worst to a young woman than disappointment.  You want your daughter to be able to rely on you and expect the same from the man she may choose to be with.

3. Tell her she is beautiful.

I had my fair share of awkward phases during adolescence.  I had a gangly rail-thin phase, a pimply phase, and a phase where my belly always poked out from under my shirt, no matter how hard I tried to suck it in.  Like most girls, it wasn’t always easy feeling secure in my body.  Some days, it felt like I would never learn to love myself, let alone find someone to love me.

Young girls are fragile. Especially girls of color.  Growing up, we are hard pressed to find images of ourself where we are symbols of beauty or the object of someone’s affection.  As a father, you have a unique ability to make your daughter feel beautiful.  You are your daughters first representative of the opposite sex.  Tell her you enjoy her smile, that the new color she painted her toes is cute, that she looks even more beautiful after browning in the sun. Feeling beautiful in your Dad’s eyes, even if just his, can make all the difference in how you cope with the many phases of adolescent insecurity.

child-with-braids-937658_1920

4. Don’t hit her.

This is pretty self explanatory, though, I know it may be controversial.  However, as a society that condemns all forms of domestic violence, I think it’s important to teach our daughters early that a man should never lay his hands on her in anger.  By saying it’s okay for fathers to hit their daughters in certain circumstances, I think we dangerously blur the line about whether it’s okay for a man to hit a woman.  If you tell your daughter no man is allowed to put his hands on her, show her you mean it by doing the same.

5. Treat other women the way you want to see men treat her.  Especially her mother.

Whether you are married, divorced or single, your daughter will see the way you treat the women in your life as an indication of how she should expect men to treat her.  If you are constantly disrespecting women, bad-mouthing her mother or womanizing, if will be difficult for her to build a foundation of trust with a man in the future because she will constantly worry he will turn into you; or worse, she will expect him to.  It’s hard enough navigating adulthood without entering it with trust issues.

If you can’t curb your womanizing ways, avoid exposing your daughter to your behavior.  Don’t bring multiple women around her.  Where possible, avoid bad-mouthing her mother in her presence.  Save your complaints for another adult.  Your daughter (or any child) is never an appropriate audience for this kind of behavior.

6. Enjoy her company.

My eldest brother used to pick me up from elementary school so we could ride the city bus home from school.  It was in the age of Kangols and boomboxes, and he would insist on sitting in the back of the bus with music blasting. Despite his efforts to be cool, little me didn’t get the memo. I would dance and act silly until it broke his facade and he was laughing right along with me.  I was too young to remember every detail of those moments, but what I do remember is how good it felt that my company was enjoyed.  As I grew older, I was confident that other people would enjoy my company too.  Even if I was a little weird.

With your own daughter, laugh at her jokes. Find joy in the things she does.  If your time with her is limited, find things to do that keep you two engaged. Don’t just plop her in front of a television or a movie and babysit her, spend actual time with her.  Find things to do together that allow you the opportunity to get to know who she is.  That will give her more confidence that she is someone worth getting to know.

7. Tell her you love her.

My nineties kids will likely remember that old Brownstone song, “If You Love Me.”  The chorus begins, “If you love me, say it.” While the song is about romantic love, that line always stuck with me. I think it stuck with me because saying I love you has never been easy for me to say unless I mean it.  My husband, then-boyfriend, was the first to say I love you.  To this day, we laugh at the memory because initially, I didn’t say it back, and his response was, “You know you love me too.”  While he was probably right, the words meant a lot to me.  I didn’t want to say it until I was sure I meant it.  Today, he couldn’t stop me from saying it if he tried.

Just as much as saying the words matter, hearing them matter too.  While arguably, showing you love someone is better, you can do both.  Tell your daughter you love her so she never has a reason to question whether you do.  If you can’t muster saying the words, write them.  Those three words are too important to be left untold.

8. Don’t walk away.

No matter how hard things get with her mother or how difficult her teenage years are on you, never walk away from your daughter.  Fight to stay present and in her life.  Even if the complexities of teen angst stop her from wanting to talk to you or make her hard to be around, never stop trying.  Love her unconditionally.  Show her she is worthy of unconditional love.

 

About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Encouraging Lifelong Fitness in Kids

The Centers for Disease Control recommends that children have at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day. The activity should include aerobic exercise, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening. As working parents, it is often difficult to find the time or energy to get your kids active. Here are a few tips on getting your children active.

The Centers for Disease Control recommends that children have at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day.  The activity should include aerobic exercise, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening.  As working parents, it is often difficult to find the time or energy  to get your kids active.  Here are a few tips on getting your children active:

1. Make it fun.

The best way to get your children active is to make it fun.  As a kid, I used to LOVE playing outside. I would spend hours riding my bike, climbing trees and playing tag with my neighborhood friends.  I didn’t call it exercise; I called it play, and I almost never got tired of it.  Nowadays, there are so many distractions that can keep our children from developing the joy of active play.  It’s easier to plop your kids in front of the television or put an iPad in their hands than to worry about their safety outdoors.  What I have learned from my own children, however, is that they still have that innate desire to play.  Even if they don’t say so, I can tell by how often I have to stop them from running through the house and jumping on their beds.

Where possible, allow your children the opportunity to get outside.  Invest in scooters, bikes and skates – just don’t forget a helmet! If your child isn’t interested in toys with wheels, go exploring through your neighborhood allowing your children to get moving with a purpose.  My youngest loves to search for acorns.  He also loves it when we take walks through our local park and I let him lead the way.  If you have a child with a competitive spirit and you’re up to it, challenge him/her to a short foot race. I regularly race my kids to the car in a safe parking lot or up a short flight of stairs.  If you’re like me, you’ll lose, but at least it will get their heart rate up and encourage that love of active play that they will carry into adulthood.

2. Enroll in active extracurricular activities.

Since my boys were three, they have been enrolled in martial arts.  While we initially chose  karate for the discipline and self-defense, we quickly learned about the endurance and strength it takes to practice the art.  Each lesson starts with a work out that includes obstacle courses, running, push-ups, jumping jacks and squats.  By practicing martial arts, my children are engaging in over an hour of aerobic exercise and strength training each week.

As your children get older, the world of athletic extracurriculars will expand.  Whether it’s basketball, lacrosse, football, dance or karate, extracurricular activities allow your children a fun and productive way to get moving! Boys and Girls Clubs and other community centers make extracurricular activities affordable for any budget.  They also enable you to take a break while your children’s instructors do the hard work!

3. Walk when possible.

As a former city kid, I always had opportunities to walk.  So much so that I dreamed of the day that I would be able to drive.  I started taking public transportation alone when I was ten and that was pretty much my primary mode of transportation until I was 18.  Now, as a resident of the suburbs, it isn’t always as easy to stay active.  I can drive pretty much everywhere and the longest walks I get are across a big parking lot.  I find it increasingly important to find opportunities to walk when I am able.

Whether its parking a little farther away from the grocery store or waking up early to allow yourself the time to walk your kids to school in the morning, you can find a way to squeeze in that extra exercise for you and your child.  I knew a mom who lived far away from our elementary school but would park a few blocks away just to get a walk in with her daughter each morning.  She was always sweating when she arrived but her and her daughter looked energized and ready to start the day.  If walking your kids to or from school isn’t an option, you can encourage your child to get in extra steps by avoiding short cuts.  Take the long way to the produce section of Target or park on the opposite end of the mall when taking a trip to Macy’s.  Even if you have a tendency to rush, allowing yourself the extra time to take your time will have lasting effects on the health of your children.

4. Don’t use bad weather as an excuse.

I have been guilty of this one myself.  If it’s raining, cold or too hot, I am tempted to take an ‘L’ on the day.  However, just because you are stuck indoors doesn’t mean you can’t get active.  With the surge of indoor play areas like Pump it Up, Sky Zone and Monkey Joe’s, kids have the option to jump and play for hours in the safety of the indoors.  In addition, certain dancing and sports video games allow children the opportunity to get active while staring at a screen.  If indoor play areas and interactive video games aren’t in your budget, you can also get your children active at home.

I asked Certified Fitness Professional Troy Brown of Tru2Fitness, LLC for advice on getting your children active indoors.  Troy recommends encouraging your children to do push-ups and squats to work their upper and lower body.  If space permits, he also recommends jump ropes for aerobic exercise and resistance bands to build strength.  Troy also notes that everyday household items can be used as weights for more strength training.  A 16oz bottle of water is 1lb and a 24oz bottle is 1.5lbs. With some creativity, you can design a quick workout plan that can get you and your kids active even on a rainy day! You can follow Troy on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Pinterest @tru2fitness for more great tips on how to get active!

5. Lead by example.

“Adulting” is hard.  After a long day of work, I usually want to put my feet up, bury my nose in a good book and check out.  Likewise, some weekends, I would be perfectly content to just curl up in my bed and binge watch mindless television.  The thing is, my kids are always watching.  If I want to set a good example for them, I have to practice what I preach about healthy habits, including exercise.  For Mother’s Day 2014, I bought myself a brand new bicycle. What started off as a few circles around the block, turned into a lifestyle for me.  I grew to adore cycling.  It wasn’t long before I started taking my kids with me on my bike rides through local parks and our neighborhood. They absolutely loved it!

During the off season, I joined our local gym to stay in shape and made sure it had a kids’ space designed to keep them active while I work out.  The space has a jungle gym and trampolines.  They love it so much they ask me to go to the gym.  This helps hold me accountable because my kids notice when we haven’t been in awhile.  Family friendly gyms like the YMCA and Lifetime Fitness offer opportunities to get active with your kids. My husband regularly takes our boys to the Y for Open Gym to run around and shoot hoops. For them, it just feels like play but they all come home sweaty with calories burned.

 

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Moving? Here are 5 Tips to Help Identify the Right Neighborhood for You and Your Family

It’s inevitable. At some point in all of our adult lives, we have to choose a place to live. I hate, despise and loathe moving but I love the possibilities of settling into a new place. If a move is in your near future, here are five golden rules for choosing the right fit for you and your family.

It’s inevitable. At some point in all of our adult lives, we have to choose a place to live.  I hate, despise and loathe moving but I love the possibilities of settling into a new place.  If a move is in your near future, here are five golden rules for choosing the right fit for you and your family.

1. Identify your priorities.

For us, we had four major priorities: 1) good schools, 2) diversity, 3) safety and 4) proximity to work.  When we purchased our first home in 2011, neither of our children were school age. However, public education was something that was important to us. We didn’t want to have to send our children to private schools so we could save money for their college education.  My husband and I both graduated with student loan debt and didn’t want the same burden for our kids. We also wanted to raise our boys in a diverse area. We didn’t want to be the only family of color.  I grew up in Queens, New York which is the most ethnically diverse area in the world (actual fact, y’all).  My friends were from everywhere and I think that prepared me to move in this world as a much more well rounded human. I wanted the same for my children.  Safety was also a major priority for us. I wanted to live in a community with a low crime rate so I felt free to take long walks and bike rides with my children without worrying.  Lastly, proximity to work was important to me.  As a New York City native, I knew what it was to spend hours in gridlock on a freeway or moving between buses and trains. It was important to me that my husband and I both made it home in time for dinner and if we had to get to our children in a hurry, we wouldn’t have to worry about a long commute.  Ideally, I wanted to be able to get to work in under a half an hour.

Your priorities may be different but it is important you identify them before you begin your search. That will help you narrow your search range and also identify reasonable expectations in terms of size and price.  Identifying good school districts often has a big impact on price and taxes.  Ultimately, we had to downgrade our expectations in terms of house size in favor of an excellent and diverse school district.

2. Research. Research. Research.

Identifying your priorities should provide you with a search range.  If not, try to come up with a list of desirable counties within your state or even better, towns or cities.  Google was my best friend when researching. You can find everything from the history of an area, to recent news, to community boards.  Specifically, however, it is important to look into crime reports (including the sex offender registry), school score cards and demographics.  The county police department is a good place to start for crime reports.  Our local police department’s website provides statistics and a daily bulletin documenting police reports and crimes. It doesn’t take long to identify areas of high crime activity.  If your unable to find this information online, give them a call.  There are also great sites for school data.  I  begin with the actual school district website and then I move to sites like greatschools.org which provides a comprehensive score card including demographic information. There you can find a percentage of each ethnicity in a school district which will help you weed out school districts that lack diversity (if that is important to you).  Markers like students participating in the free or reduced lunch program also provide a snapshot in the economic diversity of a community. I dig a little deeper into demographics by visiting sites like city-data.com which provides information such as religions, income, weather and how educated a particular community is.  The site also provides forums to ask questions about specific areas that may be more difficult to research (i.e, areas with good Ethiopian food).

Lastly, take advantage of the plethora of real estate websites and apps. I adore realtor.com.  Even now, when we are planning on staying in our house for at least the next five years, I have the realtor.com app on my smartphone and anytime we are in a new community I run a local search of home prices.  Realtor.com allows you to search by school district and provides a snapshot of past property assessments which gives you a great idea of how a community is doing in terms of home value.  It is so important to look into how the home prices have been doing.  While most communities experienced some depreciation following the 2006-07 housing bubble, a good area should have a steady increase in home appreciation.  You want a house that builds equity.  Steady declines or tons of foreclosures and short sales could be a big red flag.

3. Spend time in the community.

Once you’ve narrowed your search, plan a visit.  For us, we rented in our community for two years before buying so we had plenty of time to identify areas that seemed like the right fit.  Whether renting is your end objective or you are going straight to buying, make sure you take time to visit and get a good feel for the communities you are interested in.  A realtor once recommended I visit the area in the morning, afternoon and evening.  This gives you an idea of what a community looks like at all times of day not just during the quiet of the afternoon when everyone is at school and work.  When we were apartment hunting, my husband and I fell in love with this cozy apartment seemingly tucked away in a beautiful wooded area.  We visited in the morning and were ready to sign the lease but decided to grab lunch and talk it over before committing.  When we came back that afternoon to met with the leasing consultant, we were surprised to find the leasing office locked and the leasing consultant sitting behind his desk looking visibly uncomfortable.  There were more people around the once quiet community that didn’t crack a smile at us as we approached. It didn’t take long to realize that the leasing consultant didn’t feel safe in the community and neither did we. We immediately crossed that apartment complex off the list.

While your visiting, also be sure to visit local establishments. Markers of a good community include commerce.  If you are unable to identify a local grocery store or small business within 10-15 minutes of your home that should raise a red flag about the money people are putting into the community.  Visiting local establishments also gives you an idea of the attitudes of the people in the community.  When we were house hunting, we visited a neighboring county with much lower home prices but really great school districts.  The only problem is the community lacked the diversity we were hoping for.  Considering the sacrifice, we spent the day with our realtor looking at some great homes that came in under budget.  When we were done for the day, we went out for pizza at a local spot that had good reviews.  When we walked in, you could hear a pin drop.  To put it plainly, we were the only brown faces and it was clear everyone noticed.  While everyone was decent enough, they were curious where we were from and how long we were staying.  Answer: not here, not long.  Spending time in a community can be one of the fastest ways to identify small minds.

4. Get advice.

Talk to people! As a non-native of my current neighborhood, I didn’t know all the ins and outs of the areas I was researching as I would have in my hometown.  I remember seeing a beautiful area off the interstate and questioning a friend and she said simply you don’t want to live there.  When I pressed her, she told me it was an area of high KKK activity.  She admitted even as a white person she would never go there.  After I google verified, I nearly kissed her.  Sometimes you need a person to tell you what research will not.  Like, the deserted areas where the street lights never work, the roads that people speed down, the local grocery store that always sells spoiled food, or the areas where small minds outnumber progressive ones.  I asked co-workers, friends and even questioned strangers when visiting the areas on my list.

Also, if within your budget, consult a realtor.  A good realtor can be a life saver but be mindful, not every one is a good fit.  When we first started our home search, we hired a realtor that insisted on directing us to areas we weren’t interested in.  After months of back and forth, I started visiting homes on my own and in the process met an amazing realtor who listened.  He knew our priorities and was patient with our search.  I was actually happy to fork him over a check at closing.

5. Don’t settle.

Whether searching for a home or an apartment, the process can be exhausting. From securing financing, to saving, to visiting places, it’s tempting to just pull an “eeny, meeny, miney, moo” and call it a day.  However, whether its a lease or a mortgage, you don’t want to be stuck in a place that makes you miserable for any amount of time.  Take your time and don’t settle. Even if that means putting your search aside or making temporary accommodations like a short term lease while you decide.  You want to have peace of mind where you rest your head each night so choose wisely!

 

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Living History: Meet Betty Soskin, America’s Oldest Park Ranger

At 94 years old, Betty Reid Soskin is the oldest living ranger for the National Park Service. She serves as Interpretive Ranger at the Rosie the Riveter World War II Home Front National Historical Park in Richmond, California. Today, she works up to five days a week and five hours per day. Her work entails giving two or three presentations in the park theater. She answers emails and requests from her office. She also conducts wildly popular bus tours through the areas that make up the park. She speaks honestly in her presentations about both discrimination and efforts for integration that occurred during WWII. Remarkably, she doesn’t use notes or a guide. Instead, she speaks from her lived experience and personal history. Her pace would be incredibly impressive for someone half her age. Here are eight facts you need to know about this American Shero.

At 94 years old, Betty Reid Soskin is the oldest living ranger for the National Park Service.  She serves as Interpretive Ranger at the Rosie the Riveter World War II Home Front National Historical Park in Richmond, California. Today, she works up to five days a week and five hours per day.  Her work entails giving two or three presentations in the park theater.  She answers emails and requests from her office.  She also conducts wildly popular bus tours through the areas that make up the park.  She speaks honestly in her presentations about both discrimination and efforts for integration that occurred during WWII. Remarkably, she doesn’t use notes or a guide.  Instead, she speaks from her lived experience and personal history.  Her pace would be incredibly impressive for someone half her age.  Here are eight facts you need to know about this American Shero:

betty-reid-soskin

1. She was the great-granddaughter of enslaved Americans.

Soskin was born in Detroit, MI and lived part of her childhood in New Orleans before settling in Oakland, California.  Her parents were of Creole and Cajun descent and her great-grandmother was born into slavery in 1846.

2. She was an activist and artist.

In the 1950s, she and her husband were subject to death threats after they built a home in Walnut Creek, California, all-white suburb.  She became active in her local Unitarian Universalist Congregation and the Black Caucus of the Unitarian Universalist Association.  In the 1960s, she became a well-known songwriter in the Civil Rights Movement. Check out a song she wrote reposted on her blog here.

3. She was a part of the American Labor Movement.

During World War II, Soskin served as a file clerk for Boilermakers Union A-36, which was an all African American union derivative that formed because segregationist policies allowed the White union to refuse their entry into the ranks.

4. She was a witness to the Port Chicago Disaster.

In 1944, 320 Americans, mostly African American sailors were killed when two ships being loaded with ammunition and bombs suddenly blew up. Soskin’s family hosted sailors who served in the U.S. Navy during that time.  Notably, the Port Chicago Disaster led to the Port Chicago Mutiny where  258 African American enlisted personnel refused to return to the disaster site and load ammunition until Navy officials changed load procedures to enhance safety.

5. She helped establish the Rosie the Riveter World War II Home Front National Historical Park where she currently serves.

Soskin served as a field representative for California Assemblywomen Dion Aroner and Loni Hancock.  During this time, she became active in the early planning and development of the park set to memorialize women during World War II.   As someone who “lived it”, she became a fierce advocate for preserving the history of African American women during World War II.  She called attention to the often left out group who played a pivotal role in aiding the war effort while being denied basic rights and continuing to be treated as second class citizens within the country.

6. She is an active blogger.

Soskin is an active blogger and maintains updates that are reflections on her life and work. You can read her blog, which she regularly updates here.

7. She was honored by President Obama.

She has several interview requests and has received several honors from luminaries.  In 2015, President Barack Obama gave Soskin a commemorative coin to honor her as the oldest living park ranger.

8. She survived a vicious attack in July 2016.

On July 1, 2016, Mrs. Reid Soskin awoke to a masked man standing over her bed.  The assailant attacked her, ransacked her apartment and stole several things from her including the commemorative coin given to her by President Obama.  She survived the attack by escaping to a bathroom and barricading the door until the assailant retreated.  After the attack, she received hundreds of letters and emails.  A Go Fund Me page was set up for her through the National Park Service that helped her replace some things that were stolen.  She was sent a replacement coin with the Presidential Seal from the White House.  She was able to come out of the incident with only bruises, but her quick thinking and indomitable spirit kept her alive through the ordeal.

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Information attained from:

Betty Reid Soskin, CBreaux Speaks, http://cbreaux.blogspot.com/

Rachel Gillett, “Meet the 94-year-old park ranger who works full-time and never wants to retire”, http://www.businessinsider.com/94-year-old-park-ranger-betty-reid-soskin-interview-2016-8

Richmond Pulse, “Q&A: Nation’s Oldest Park Ranger Cites Outpouring of Support in Healing After Robbery”, http://newamericamedia.org/2016/08/qa-nations-oldest-park-ranger-cites-outpouring-of-support-in-healing-after-robbery.php

 

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About The Author

Rick McCray is a maRAMrried father of three amazing sons. He is also a proud graduate of Duke University where he holds a BA in History and African/African American History, and Howard University School of Law. He is also a regular commentator on the In The Black podcast.  Rick is passionate about our history and helping to educate our community concerning the great contributions of people of color to the world. You can find Rick on Twitter @RealRickMcCray.