Category: Health

Something’s Not Right: My Experience with Postpartum Preeclampsia

African American women are three times more likely to die from preeclampsia. I had chronic hypertension, which is a risk factor, but it was well-controlled and monitored so I had no reason to believe this disease would impact me.

I’ve never had an easy delivery. That’s probably why the first thing I said to my husband when he greeted me horizontally in the operating room just prior to my second son’s c-section was, “Never again.” I had just spent the better part of twenty minutes hunched in my obstetrician’s arms as an anesthesiologist jabbed me with a really, really big needle in my spine.  He had trouble finding my epidural space. The result of which was a two-week long spinal headache.  However, six years later, one day before the 2016 Election, I found myself once again laying in the same position preparing for the birth of our third son.  Don’t get me wrong. This little guy was planned. He was wanted.  However, that didn’t stop the anxiety from practically eating me alive as I prepared for his birth.  I was prepared.  That is, I knew what to expect.  However, I also knew all the things that could go wrong.

This was my third c-section.  I had considered VBAC. However, during monitoring my son’s heart rate dropped so I would have had to be induced at 37 weeks. Since labor via induction can be harder on a previously scarred uterus, I chose a third c-section as the safest option for baby and me.  Surgery went well.  I had scar tissue that complicated things but my son was perfect.  He was 7 lbs 10 ounces, 19 inches and screaming his head off.  10 fingers. 10 toes. A head full of hair and placed right in my arms.  The days following my c-section were brutal but nothing out of the ordinary. As the remaining effects of the epidural wore off, the pain returned with gusto but I was on three different pain medications so it was manageable. We stayed in the hospital four days and were released with a clean bill of health. I had no swelling, my incision was healing already, and all of my vitals, including my blood pressure, were great.

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The first warning sign came the day I got home.  It was a Thursday.  As I was parked in our recliner, surrounded by members of our immediate family, I noticed the beginnings of extreme swelling in my legs and feet.  By the following day, my feet had blown up so big, I couldn’t fit any of my shoes or socks. My feet had even gotten too wide for my husband’s socks (he wears a size 15 shoe).  Even more concerning, when I pressed into my feet with my fingers, they left deep imprints (I later learned this was pitting edema).  The swelling was so bad I could feel my skin stretching.  I called my doctor and she told me it was probably normal. However, I would be further evaluated at my postnatal check up the following week.

My second warning sign happened a few days later. I developed a horrible headache. Even with the pain medications, I couldn’t find relief. As a migraine sufferer, I assumed it could be a migraine.  With a new baby in the house and not much sleep, a headache seemed natural and like nothing to worry about.  Plus, it was a Saturday and my appointment was on Tuesday.  I figured any concerns could wait a few days.

When I finally made it in to the doctor’s office, I was surprised to find my pressure was elevated.  It was reading 160/92 which was a sharp contrast to the perfect readings I had gotten all throughout my pregnancy (find out more about normal blood pressure readings here).  My doctor assumed my pressure was elevated due to the excess fluid and put me on a higher dose of labetalol, a pressure medication to help lower my readings. I was already on a small dose to regulate my chronic hypertension before pregnancy.  She also tasked me with monitoring my pressure at home.  Luckily, I owned my own cuff so I was able to record my readings at home.  I had heard of preeclampsia (a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure and signs of damage to another organ system) but it was rare (though possible) postpartum.  I asked my doctor about it anyway and she tested my blood and urine just in case.  All the tests came back negative.

Two days later, I woke up with an excruciating headache.  I took a pressure reading and it read 174/112.  My husband had just run out to the grocery store, and I called him and told him we needed to go to the hospital.  Everything in my body was telling me something was wrong and the reading confirmed it.  I called my doctor and they told me to go straight to labor and delivery.

When we arrived at the hospital, almost a week to the day we had been released my pressure was 186/121.  I was scared, my head was pounding, and I could barely see straight.  The doctor’s immediately gave me IV blood pressure medication and put me on Magnesium to avoid a seizure or a stroke.  Although the emergency meds worked, I spent almost another week in the hospital trying to find the right medication combination to safely release me from the hospital.  I maxed out on two medications before finding the right combination, and was given IV rescue medications twice.  At one point, my pressure was being checked every fifteen minutes.  It was rough but I survived.  In the end, I was diagnosed with atypical postpartum preeclampsia, a rare and life-threatening condition if left untreated.  My condition was atypical because I never showed signs in my blood or urine. I also developed it almost two weeks after giving birth.  Most women develop symptoms during pregnancy or within 48 hours of giving birth.

I didn’t want something to be wrong. I know that sounds silly but after giving birth, all I wanted to do was live and breathe my new son.  Even now, just writing about it fills me with anxiety.  When I started swelling, something deep inside of me told me something was wrong.  However, I was almost too afraid to know because I didn’t want to be rehospitalized and ripped away from my family.  Nonetheless, I knew letting the fear of knowing paralyze me wouldn’t change anything.  The sooner I acted, the more likely I would be able to get control of what was making me sick.  Ultimately, even though I was hospitalized for another week, my husband and newborn were allowed to stay with me so I didn’t lose any days nursing him and bonding with him.  Most importantly, however, I am ALIVE.  I feel so thankful I listened to my body and had the support of my family and doctors who recognized something was wrong and acted quickly. I will likely be on a large amount of medication for the next month or so but my awesome team of doctors assured me I will be fine.

The fact is African-American women are three times more likely to die from preeclampsia. I had chronic hypertension, which is a risk factor, but it was well-controlled and monitored so I had no reason to believe this disease would impact me.  It would have been easy to ignore my symptoms as sleep deprivation or just another part of postpartum recovery.  However, if I had, I may not have lived to tell my story.  Often women in our community are celebrated for our strength and independence.  Our strength is a source of pride.  Seeking help can make you feel vulnerable and weak.  However, as a survivor, I know recognizing my vulnerability saved my life.  No matter how strong we believe we are, recovering from birth takes time.  As new moms, our bodies have spent close to a year building a life.  If I could lend any advice it would be to listen to your body. Lean on your support system and allow yourself to heal.  Be your own advocate. Be vigilant.  Ask questions and remember, no symptom is too small or question too silly.  If any healthcare professional makes you feel like it is, find someone else. Remember, the most important thing is for you to survive to raise that tiny human.  He/she is depending on you to make it through.

For more information on Preeclampsia, visit preeclampsia.org.

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

 

 

Parenting Through Grief

The pain of grief is arguably one of the deepest pains of the human experience. It can’t be stuffed away. No matter how hard you try. Here are few things I learned are essential when confronting grief.

Grief is an inevitably.  Loss is a natural part of life. No matter how religious, spiritual or prepared we may seem, when someone we love dies, grief can slice at the core of us like an enemy’s dagger. It is sudden, sinister and somehow unexpected, even though death is one of life’s only certainties.

While I had suffered some loss of extended family growing up, my first intimate experience with death was when I was 28 years old.  My 38 year old brother passed away unexpectedly after a day-long bout with an illness none of us knew he had.  I remember standing in the hospital when we lost him and feeling somehow catapulted out of the functioning world. Everything around me was still spinning, but I was standing painfully still.  I, like so many suffering from grief, had the audacity to wonder how death could have happened to him… to us.  As if my knowing him and loving him somehow made him immune.  At the time, my eldest, and then only son was two years old.  He and my husband had stayed behind when I traveled to New York for what I thought was a quick trip to check in on my brother.  The next morning, my brother was gone.  As I lay in the crook of my arm, my face wet with hours worth of tears, I waited  for my young family to arrive at my childhood home in Queens.  Every thing about our happy life seemed so far away, and I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to parent my son without crumbling from the weight of my new reality.  For me, motherhood was strong, hopeful and fearless.  I felt weak, hopeless and afraid.

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In the months following my brother’s passing, I tried my best to be everything I thought I should be – pushing aside my fear and any perceived weakness. I was the dutiful daughter, tending to my mother’s and father’s needs; a supportive sister, helping my other brother as we took the lead on arrangements and other matters; and doting mother and wife, trying my best to remain strong, present and hands on.  In truth, I was caring for everyone but myself.  It wasn’t until over a year later that I took the time to confront my own neglect with the help of a therapist that I realized how carelessly I had treated myself. I had months worth of pain bottled up inside me and it manifested itself in ways that were affecting my physical and emotional health.  The pain of grief is arguably one of the deepest pains of the human experience.  It can’t be stuffed away. No matter how hard you try.  Here are a few things I learned are essential when confronting grief:

1. Let other people help you.

After my brother passed, my mother’s house had a revolving door of visitors.  I categorized them in three ways: 1) the spectators, those who just came to stare and watch as we grieved, 2) gift bearers, those who dropped off food, hugs and gift baskets and 3) the doers – those who were ready to help. While everyone has their role, these doers are wingless, walking angels.  The thing about these angels is that they don’t always come in the form you expect. There were friends and family I had expected to be there for me who just didn’t know how.  However, there were people that emerged in my life who were there for me in such profound ways that I get emotional even thinking about them.  Like my aunt, who was constantly cleaning and washing dishes at my mother’s house when I didn’t have the strength or my mother’s best friend who checked in on me when I so desperately needed a parent and my co-worker, who I now consider a dear friend, who would sit with me at lunch for hours each week as I shared memories of my brother in the months following his passing.

As a self-sufficient person, it has always been difficult for me to ask for or accept help.  However, when you’re grieving, you have to have respect for the fact that you need help.  No one can do it all.  Let someone else make calls for you.  Let someone else cook for you.  Accept the offer from someone you trust to watch your children.  Allow yourself time to feel the loss without busying yourself with all that you think you need to do.  If you can’t do it for yourself, think of it as a way to honor the person you lost.

2. Be mindful of your emotional health.

Packing my feelings away after my brother passed generally made me feel numb.  However, there is one emotion I felt unmistakably and that was anger.  I was so angry.  I was angry at the doctors and nurses for not saving my brother. I was angry at the funeral director for existing. I was angry at some friends and family for not saying the right things. I was angry at myself for not realizing he was so sick and saving him.  Anger for me was the easiest emotion to feel.  Luckily for those around me, I wasn’t lashing out.  However, I was spending a great deal of time seething and stewing.  I was bubbling up and ready to boil over. I was lashing inward which can sometimes be just as bad.

The best thing I did for myself during that time is seek professional help.  Even before I made my first appointment with a therapist, I purchased books on grief and read essays online about other people coping with sibling loss.  While I ultimately made the personal choice to seek professional help, I know it is not an easy thing to sit down with a stranger and unload. I know it’s particularly hard when you are a private and/or prideful person.  What I have learned is most professional therapists are trained listeners.  They have been taught to ask the right questions so you can formulate the right answers.  It isn’t so much that they know more about you than you, they are helping you learn more about you.  Seeking help was one of the best things I did for myself.

3.  Eat, sleep, breath and see a doctor.

Just as grief can be emotionally harmful, it can be physically harmful.  I am a migraine sufferer.  In the weeks following my brother’s passing, I had a migraine every single day.  This was complicated by the fact that two weeks after he passed away, I found out I was pregnant with my second son.  I was constantly functioning on ‘E’, barely sleeping, barely eating. I was worried about burdening my amazing husband. I was worried about my mother, father and brother; and I was worried about how everyone’s grief was affecting my nephew and sons.  Something in my body was always aching, and I was constantly exhausted.  I realize now I was feeling the physical effects of grief.  My unborn son saved me in many ways because I was forced to see the doctor for prenatal care.  However, our physical health is one of the things we neglect the most when grieving.

Broken Heart Syndrome is very real.  According to the American Heart Association, stressful events like grief can trigger cardiomyopathy leading to severe chest pain.  It is important to eat, sleep and breath when grieving. For my mother, who naturally took the loss of my brother the hardest, we were constantly reminding her of what she had to live for: my brother and I, her grandchildren, her sisters and countless nieces and nephews that would be devastated if we lost her.  Journaling helped me a great deal during the grief process. Not only was I able to work through my feelings, I was also able to remind myself of all the things I had to be grateful for including my own life and the lives of the people I loved who were still with me.  It is so easy to get lost in the darkness of grief.  Everything good can get sucked into its core and it can feel like nothing positive remains.  It is important to remind yourself of all you have to live for and make your physical health a priority.

4. Be vulnerable… even with your kids.

While I don’t recommend crying into the lap of your two year old, if age appropriate, it is important to be vulnerable with your children.  This spring, my father in law passed away unexpectedly.  My children, 5 and 8 at the time, were old enough to be aware of the complex emotions of the adults around them and they had questions. Although my husband and I believe in God, we are not particularly religious.  We didn’t have definitive answers for my children when they asked where Grandpa went or whether he was with Uncle Tommy.  We are generally honest with them about our own existential questions and our own uncertainty.  What we could convey was the emotional burden of loss.  They knew their Grandma, Daddy and Aunt were very sad, and they watched them shed tears as an expression of that pain.

Had I not experienced losing my brother, my first instinct probably would have been to shield them from the pain.  However, it was important to me that they recognized that it was okay to grieve.  I wanted them to know that our worlds had stopped momentarily and that was natural.  What would have been unnatural would be to pretend everything was okay. I also wanted them to have a lesson in empathy.  Had they been the only ones outwardly expressing pain, maybe they would have thought they were the only ones feeling it.  When you see other people in pain, it makes your world bigger. Although my children shed their own tears, I couldn’t have been prouder of my eldest when he chose to embrace his aunt and grandmother after the funeral after witnessing them in a moment of deep pain.  He realized he wasn’t the only one suffering, a lesson at the center of building empathy.

What are your thoughts? I know this is a difficult subject, family, but if you have any tips of your own, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Trick or Treat: Tips on Keeping Your Kids Healthy This Halloween

As a health conscious mom, when Halloween rolls around, I often try to find a balance between being the penny-dispensing lame house and the more-sugar-the-better cool house. I know it’s fun to indulge once and a while. However, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t do so responsibly. Here are some tips on making the best choices for your kids this Halloween.

Halloween was HUGE deal in my neighborhood growing up. Back then, we knew every family on our block, so our parents felt comfortable letting us run from house to house hoarding as much candy as humanly possible.  We knew the houses with best candy. We also knew the houses with the worst.  For instance, we had one neighbor, Mr. G, that would give us pennies… pennies (!), instead of candy.  I won’t lie to myself and say he was looking out for our health. He was the sole hold out in a demographically shifting neighborhood in the 80s and spent most of his time shouting us off his grass.  However, I did recognize the value in offering something different.

As a health conscious mom, when Halloween rolls around, I often try to find a balance between being the penny-dispensing lame house and the more-sugar-the-better cool house. I know it’s fun to indulge once and a while. However, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try to do so responsibly.  Here are some tips on making the best choices for your kids this Halloween!

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1. Offer healthy alternatives.

With more kids with gluten allergies and other food restrictions, you can redefine your own cool by offering sweet alternatives to traditional Halloween candy.  When shopping for goodies to hand out to trick or treaters, I usually avoid artificial dyes and artificial preservatives like TBHQ, BHT and BHA.  I also avoid artificial sweeteners such as aspartame and sucralose, nitrates/nitrites, sulfites, or potassium bromate.  Often these ingredients contain known carcinogens.

The good news is, most grocery stores offer snack packs of healthy treats. Instead of reaching for the candy, try a snack bag of popcorn, veggie chips or fruit snacks. Prepackaged raisins, dried cranberries and other dried fruit are also a great alternative. GoGo squeeZ also offers organic, slurpable apple sauce in different flavors that my kids love.  Honey and chocolate chip Teddy Grahams are also free of the scary stuff. Also, companies like YummyEarth make dye-free, organic candy like lollipops and gummies.  With a little digging, you can usually find them at Target or your local grocery store. The unfortunate reality is that many of these things will end up costing you a bit but if you run out, there are always pennies.

2. Make candy collection the objective.

Truth be told, in my house, my kids don’t consume the Halloween candy they collect. I know, I know… but at least I’m not Mr. G! The thing is with diabetes, obesity, and heart disease heavy in my kids’ gene pool (and that of many in our community), it is important to me that I give them a healthy foundation.  The truth is, kids don’t miss what they never had; so outside of curiosity, they rarely ask for the bad stuff.

I promise: all fun is not lost!  At the end of the night, we lay all of the candy out on the living room floor and count it.  It becomes a competition to see who collected the most.  In the following days, a number of organizations, including our local dentist, coordinate a Halloween candy buy back that allows then to make some change for their piggy banks.  There are also some companies that allow you to donate candy to the military or other groups that could use a little sweet treat.  Keep an eye out for postings in your community or google deals near you.

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3. Consume unhealthy treats in moderation

If you just can’t resist those yummy Halloween treats, educate yourself on what is in them and do so in moderation.  According to the Centers for Disease Control and the American Heart Association, kids should have between 19-30g of sugar per day and 1,500mg of sodium per day.  Children ages 4 to 8 need 33 to 78 grams of fat daily; kids ages 9 to 13 require 39 to 101 grams of fat daily.  Sources of healthy, unsaturated dietary fats for children include vegetable oils, purified omega-3 oils, avocados, olives, peanut butter, nuts and seeds. Saturated, unhealthy fats are found in high-fat meats, lard, butter, cream, ice cream and full-fat dairy products, such as whole milk and cheese.

Below is a list of some of your favorite sweet treats along with their calories, sugar and fat content. Many of these options, when combined or consumed in excess, exceed recommended daily intake for sodium, sugar and/or fat. Instead of allowing your kids unrestricted on access to all the candy they collect, spread it out over the days following Halloween to be sure you are staying within recommended guidelines.

  1. Snickers, Fun Size  80 cal, 4g of fat, 8.5g sugar

  2. Kit Kat, Snack Size 70cal, 3.6g of fat, 7g sugar

  3. 3 Musketeers, Fun Size 63cal, 2g of fat, 10g sugar

  4. M&Ms, Fun Size 73cal, 4g of fat, 11g sugar

  5. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups 110cal, 6.5g fat, 10.5g sugar

  6. Hershey Kisses (4 pieces) 88cal, 5g of fat, 10g sugar

  7. Candy Corn (Brachs, 19 pieces) 140cal, 0g of fat, 28g sugar

  8. Smarties (1 roll) 25cal, 0g of fat, 7g sugar

  9. Skittles, Fun Size 80cal, 0.8 of fat, 14.5 sugar

  10. Jolly Rancher Sucker (1 lollipop)  120cal, 0g of fat, 26g sugar

  11. Charms Blow Pop (1 lollipop) 70cal, 0g of fat, 13g sugar

  12. Tootsie Rolls (6 pieces) 140cal, 3g of fat, 19g sugar

4. Screen Your Kids Treats

Unlike when I grew up, I don’t know all of my neighbors. While Halloween is still a HUGE deal in our neighborhood, often we are knocking on the doors of houses and taking treats from people we never met.  For that reason, it is extremely important to inspect all goods you allow your kids to consume.

As a tip, make sure all treats are prepackaged. While homemade goodies are thoughtful, if you don’t know the chef or their safety habits, you may be endangering your child.  Stay away from perishables that don’t have a clearly  visible expiration date. Lastly, inspect, inspect, inspect. Make sure all packaged items are properly sealed and closed. When opened, screen for discolored or foul-smelling items.  As my mom would say, when in doubt, throw it out.

Happy Halloween! 

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Encouraging Lifelong Fitness in Kids

The Centers for Disease Control recommends that children have at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day. The activity should include aerobic exercise, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening. As working parents, it is often difficult to find the time or energy to get your kids active. Here are a few tips on getting your children active.

The Centers for Disease Control recommends that children have at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day.  The activity should include aerobic exercise, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening.  As working parents, it is often difficult to find the time or energy  to get your kids active.  Here are a few tips on getting your children active:

1. Make it fun.

The best way to get your children active is to make it fun.  As a kid, I used to LOVE playing outside. I would spend hours riding my bike, climbing trees and playing tag with my neighborhood friends.  I didn’t call it exercise; I called it play, and I almost never got tired of it.  Nowadays, there are so many distractions that can keep our children from developing the joy of active play.  It’s easier to plop your kids in front of the television or put an iPad in their hands than to worry about their safety outdoors.  What I have learned from my own children, however, is that they still have that innate desire to play.  Even if they don’t say so, I can tell by how often I have to stop them from running through the house and jumping on their beds.

Where possible, allow your children the opportunity to get outside.  Invest in scooters, bikes and skates – just don’t forget a helmet! If your child isn’t interested in toys with wheels, go exploring through your neighborhood allowing your children to get moving with a purpose.  My youngest loves to search for acorns.  He also loves it when we take walks through our local park and I let him lead the way.  If you have a child with a competitive spirit and you’re up to it, challenge him/her to a short foot race. I regularly race my kids to the car in a safe parking lot or up a short flight of stairs.  If you’re like me, you’ll lose, but at least it will get their heart rate up and encourage that love of active play that they will carry into adulthood.

2. Enroll in active extracurricular activities.

Since my boys were three, they have been enrolled in martial arts.  While we initially chose  karate for the discipline and self-defense, we quickly learned about the endurance and strength it takes to practice the art.  Each lesson starts with a work out that includes obstacle courses, running, push-ups, jumping jacks and squats.  By practicing martial arts, my children are engaging in over an hour of aerobic exercise and strength training each week.

As your children get older, the world of athletic extracurriculars will expand.  Whether it’s basketball, lacrosse, football, dance or karate, extracurricular activities allow your children a fun and productive way to get moving! Boys and Girls Clubs and other community centers make extracurricular activities affordable for any budget.  They also enable you to take a break while your children’s instructors do the hard work!

3. Walk when possible.

As a former city kid, I always had opportunities to walk.  So much so that I dreamed of the day that I would be able to drive.  I started taking public transportation alone when I was ten and that was pretty much my primary mode of transportation until I was 18.  Now, as a resident of the suburbs, it isn’t always as easy to stay active.  I can drive pretty much everywhere and the longest walks I get are across a big parking lot.  I find it increasingly important to find opportunities to walk when I am able.

Whether its parking a little farther away from the grocery store or waking up early to allow yourself the time to walk your kids to school in the morning, you can find a way to squeeze in that extra exercise for you and your child.  I knew a mom who lived far away from our elementary school but would park a few blocks away just to get a walk in with her daughter each morning.  She was always sweating when she arrived but her and her daughter looked energized and ready to start the day.  If walking your kids to or from school isn’t an option, you can encourage your child to get in extra steps by avoiding short cuts.  Take the long way to the produce section of Target or park on the opposite end of the mall when taking a trip to Macy’s.  Even if you have a tendency to rush, allowing yourself the extra time to take your time will have lasting effects on the health of your children.

4. Don’t use bad weather as an excuse.

I have been guilty of this one myself.  If it’s raining, cold or too hot, I am tempted to take an ‘L’ on the day.  However, just because you are stuck indoors doesn’t mean you can’t get active.  With the surge of indoor play areas like Pump it Up, Sky Zone and Monkey Joe’s, kids have the option to jump and play for hours in the safety of the indoors.  In addition, certain dancing and sports video games allow children the opportunity to get active while staring at a screen.  If indoor play areas and interactive video games aren’t in your budget, you can also get your children active at home.

I asked Certified Fitness Professional Troy Brown of Tru2Fitness, LLC for advice on getting your children active indoors.  Troy recommends encouraging your children to do push-ups and squats to work their upper and lower body.  If space permits, he also recommends jump ropes for aerobic exercise and resistance bands to build strength.  Troy also notes that everyday household items can be used as weights for more strength training.  A 16oz bottle of water is 1lb and a 24oz bottle is 1.5lbs. With some creativity, you can design a quick workout plan that can get you and your kids active even on a rainy day! You can follow Troy on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Pinterest @tru2fitness for more great tips on how to get active!

5. Lead by example.

“Adulting” is hard.  After a long day of work, I usually want to put my feet up, bury my nose in a good book and check out.  Likewise, some weekends, I would be perfectly content to just curl up in my bed and binge watch mindless television.  The thing is, my kids are always watching.  If I want to set a good example for them, I have to practice what I preach about healthy habits, including exercise.  For Mother’s Day 2014, I bought myself a brand new bicycle. What started off as a few circles around the block, turned into a lifestyle for me.  I grew to adore cycling.  It wasn’t long before I started taking my kids with me on my bike rides through local parks and our neighborhood. They absolutely loved it!

During the off season, I joined our local gym to stay in shape and made sure it had a kids’ space designed to keep them active while I work out.  The space has a jungle gym and trampolines.  They love it so much they ask me to go to the gym.  This helps hold me accountable because my kids notice when we haven’t been in awhile.  Family friendly gyms like the YMCA and Lifetime Fitness offer opportunities to get active with your kids. My husband regularly takes our boys to the Y for Open Gym to run around and shoot hoops. For them, it just feels like play but they all come home sweaty with calories burned.

 

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Best of the Worst: Kid’s Meals at Your Favorite Chain Restaurant

From Chili’s to Olive Garden, here are the best and worst options at 6 of the most popular restaurant chains.

Here we go again! Despite my best intentions, eating out is often inevitable for my family. With two kids and another on the way, I’ve learned to cut myself some slack when I am not able to serve home cooked meals everyday. However, with nutritional info often buried on websites and in secret books, it isn’t always easy to make informed decisions when making choices for my children.  I did some digging to make it easier for all of us! From Chili’s to Olive Garden, here are the best and worst options at 6 of the most popular restaurant chains.

Note: According to the Centers for Disease Control and the American Heart Association, kids should have between 19-30g of sugar per day and 1,500mg of sodium per day.  Children ages 4 to 8 need 33 to 78 grams of fat daily; kids ages 9 to 13 require 39 to 101 grams of fat daily.  Sources of healthy, unsaturated dietary fats for children include vegetable oils, purified omega-3 oils, avocados, olives, peanut butter, nuts and seeds. Saturated, unhealthy fats are found in high-fat meats, lard, butter, cream, ice cream and full-fat dairy products, such as whole milk and cheese. The options below were measured by calories, fat, sodium and sugar content.  It did not include a review of artificial ingredients or other chemicals used in the making of these foods.  Many of these options, when combined, exceed recommended daily intake for sodium, sugar and/or fat. As always, use your best judgment when making choices for your children!

1. Chili’s

BEST: Grilled Chicken Platter, 160cal, 4g of fat, 690mg of sodium, 31g of protein with a side of celery sticks or steamed broccoli and to drink: Water or Cranberry Juice 80cal, 20g of sugar

WORST: Pepperoni Pizza, 34g of fat, 1250mg of sodium and 8g of sugar and Homestyle Fries, 190cal, 8g of fat, 710mg of sodium, Kid’s Float 330cal, 10g of fat, 63g of sugar

2. Applebees

BEST: Kid’s 4oz Sirloin, 140cal, 6g of fat, 180mg of sodium, 23g of protein; Side: Applesauce, 40cal, 8g of sugar; Chicken Griller is a good alternative at 4g of fat but has 760mg of sodium; Drink: Water or Milk 1%, 110cal, 2.5g of fat, 12g of sugar

WORST: Kid’s Grilled Cheese, 640cal, 32g of fat, 2080mg of sodium, 42g of protein; Side: Fries 430cal, 20g of fat, 970mg of sodium; To drink: Oreo Cookie Shake, 820cal, 39g of fat, 460mg of sodium and 74g of sugar;

3. TGIF Friday’s 

BEST: Pasta & Marinara, 240cal, 150mg of sodium, 9g of protein, 2g of fat; side: Side Salad or fruit cup, to drink: Water or Kid’s Crush Strawberry Lemonade, 60cal, 15g of sugar.

WORST: Kid’s Sliders, 470cal, 31g of fat, 1290mg of sodium; Side: Seasoned Fries, 320cal, 16g of fat, 1010mg of sodium; Drink: Kid’s Chocolate Milk, 230cal, 3.5g saturated fat, 36g of sugar, 135mg of sodium

4. Pizzeria Uno’s

BEST: Kid’s Pasta, 300cal, 3g of fat, 280mg of sodium, 8g of sugar, 11g of protein; Side: Carrots and Cucumbers, 60cal, 80mg of sodium, 7g of sugar; Water or Non-Carbonated Drink

WORST: Chicken Pops, 970cal, 42g of fat, 55g of sugar, 2130mg of sodium; Side: French Fries, 350cal, 27g of fat, 1190mg of sodium; To drink: Chocolate Cookie Freezer, 480cal, 14g of fat, 83g of sugar.

5. Cheesecake Factory

BEST: Kid’s Roadside Sliders, 390cal, 5g Saturated Fat, 620mg Sodium; Side: Kid’s Fresh Fruit; To Drink: Water or Milk

WORST: Kid’s Pasta with Alfredo Sauce, 1250cal, 55g Saturated Fat, 784mg Sodium; Kid’s French Fries, 270cal, 2g Saturated Fat, 1228mg sodium

*Cheesecake Factory info was incredibly difficult to uncover. While a large majority of the menu information is available on the website, the kids meal information is notably absent. According to Calorie Lab, this info is available in a booklet upon request inside their locations.

6. Olive Garden

BEST: Kid’s Grilled Chicken, 490cal, 11g fat, 710mg sodium, 34g protein; Side: Steamed Broccoli; To Drink: Water or 1% Milk

WORST: Cheese Ravioli 340cal, 16g fat, 990mg sodium, 17g Protein, To Drink: Raspberry Lemonade, 100 cal, 28g of sugar

 

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

 

 

Best of the Worst Kid’s Options at 6 of The Most Popular Fast Food Chains

The truth is, there are no healthy fast food chains. There just aren’t. Anything with a drive-thru attached typically has sugary drinks and an obscene amount of fat and sodium. The bigger truth is, however, that sometimes as parents fast food is the only option. Between unexpected traffic jams, late night work hours and extracurricular activities, your options may be fast food or starve. If you must get in that line, here are a list of the best of the worst options at 6 popular fast food chains.

 

by Faye McCray

The truth is, there are no healthy fast food chains.  There just aren’t.  Anything with a  drive-thru attached typically has sugary drinks and an obscene amount of fat and sodium.  The bigger truth is, however, that sometimes as parents fast food is the only option.  Between unexpected traffic jams, late night work hours and extracurricular activities, your options may be fast food or starve.  If you must get in that line, here are a list of the best of the worst options at 6 popular fast food chains.

Note: According to the Centers for Disease Control and the American Heart Association, kids should have between 19-30g of sugar per day and 1,500mg of sodium per day.  Children ages 4 to 8 need 33 to 78 grams of fat daily; kids ages 9 to 13 require 39 to 101 grams of fat daily.  Sources of healthy, unsaturated dietary fats for children include vegetable oils, purified omega-3 oils, avocados, olives, peanut butter, nuts and seeds. Saturated, unhealthy fats are found in high-fat meats, lard, butter, cream, ice cream and full-fat dairy products, such as whole milk and cheese. 

1. Chick fil A

Founded in 1961 by Conservative Southern Baptist Truett Cathy, Chick fil A boasts an alternative to red meat with their famous slogan “Eat Mor Chikin”.  As a native New Yorker, I hadn’t even heard of Chick fil A until I moved to D.C. for school.  As a broke student, it quickly became my go-to spot for quick and tasty meals. Now that I am a parent (in my thirties with a slower metabolism), I try to avoid fast food where possible.  However, when the family and I are on a long road trip and we are in desperate search of food, Chick fil A is my typical choice.

And the award goes to…

Hands down, the healthiest option for your tiny humans is the 6 ct Grilled Nuggets Kid’s Meal 100 cal, 3g of fat, 200mg sodium, 1g of sugar (for comparison, the 6ct fried nuggets are 200cal, 10g of fat and 790mg of sodium), Fruit Cup side, 30 cal, 0g sodium, 7g of sugar (for comparison, waffle fries are 310cal, 16g fat and 140mg of sodium), and to drink, Water or Honest Kids Apple Juice 40cal, 9g of sugar (believe it or not, a small kids lemonade is 170cal and 43g of sugar!)

For Dessert? If you must, the best bet is the Small Icedream cone, 170 cal, 115mg of sodium, and 25g of sugar. It is by no means healthy but it has the lowest sugar content.

2. Subway

Founded in 1965 by Fred DeLuca, Subway is one of the fastest growing franchises in the world.  My kids aren’t crazy about the options at Subway but really enjoy their kids totes and cookies.

And the award goes to…

The best option on the menu is the Kids Veggie Delite, 150 cal, 1.5 of total fat, 190mg of sodium but if your kids want something heartier, the second best option is the Kids Turkey Breast, 180 cal, 2.0g of fat, and 430mg of sodium.  Choose the Mini Wheat bread 140 cal, 1.5g of fat, 180mg of sodium. The Mini Italian bread is slightly lower calorically but it doesn’t have the health benefits of wheat bread. The best option for dressing is none but if you must, the Honey Mustard has 60 cal, 1g of fat, 240mg of sodium and 11g of sugar. The Sweet Onion is pretty much a tie with 80 cal, 170mg of sodium and 16g of sugar. For toppings, I’d skip the cheese and stick with veggies (avoiding pickles and olives due to sodium content). For a side, the Apple Slices are a clear choice with 35 cal, 7g of sugar and to drink, Water or Juice Box, 100 cal and 21g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, all Cookies are pretty much created equal at Subway. They range between 200-230cal, 14-20g of sugar and 100-130mg of sodium.

3. Panera Bread

Founded in 1987 as the St. Louis Bread Company, Panera was purchased by Au Bon Pain in 1993 and renamed.  The name is a combination of the Italian words ‘Pane’ meaning bread and ‘Era’ meaning time – time of bread.  That sounds pretty darn amazing to me. There is a Panera on pretty much every street corner where we live so it is often our go-to restaurant in a pinch.

And the award goes to….

The healthiest option on the kids menu is the Kids Seasonal Green Salad.  It is only 90cal, 75mg of sodium and 7g of sugar.  But – if your kids are anything like mine, the salad thing probably isn’t happening.  Unfortunately, the Kids Turkey Sandwich and Peanut Butter & Jelly are a distant second.  While the Turkey Sandwich is the lowest caloric sandwich on the Kid’s menu at 310 cal, it also has 11g of fat and 820 mg of sodium! Believe it or not, by comparison with the rest of the menu, it is actually on the low end (the Grilled Cheese has 1090mg of sodium and the Smoked Ham Sandwich has 1210mg, yikes).  The Peanut Butter & Jelly has 400 calories and about half the sodium of the Turkey at 460mg but sadly has 19g of sugar and 17g of fat (which may not be as bad as it sounds, read more here).  Friendly warning, I would stay away from soups and pastas due to the sodium content – especially the Mac and Cheese which has an insane 1100 mg of sodium in one serving! The healthiest side is definitely the Apple.  While the yogurt tube has only 60 calories, it has 10g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, the Petite Chocolate Chipper is your best bet.  Those are the cookies that come about 5-6 to a bag usually available at the register. One cookie has 100 cal, 5 g of fat, 8g of sugar. For comparison, the full chocolate chipper has 440 cal, 22g of fat and a whopping 33g of sugar!

4. Wendy’s

Founded in 1969 by Dave Thomas, Wendy’s is the world’s third largest hamburger chain. I’ll always have a soft spot for Wendy’s. When I was a teenager, I was a camp counselor at the YMCA in Bellerose, New York, and there was a Wendy’s nearby.  I would go there on my lunch breaks with fellow counselors and devour their grilled chicken sandwiches smothered in honey mustard sauce.  I don’t live near one now, but I know for some, Wendy’s is still an option.

And the award goes to…

If you can’t get your kid to eat salad, your best best is probably the 4 Piece Chicken Nuggets, 180 cal, 13g of fat, 390mg of sodium.  Though with 13g of fat, you probably want to make Wendy’s a really, really rare option.  The Grilled Chicken Wrap has slightly less fat at 11g but an insane 620mg of sodium.  For the side, Apple Slices, 35cal, omg sodium, 7g of sugar, and to drink, Water or Honest Kids Fruit Punch, 35 cal, 15mg sodium, 8g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, the Jr. Vanilla Frosty, 190 cal, 95mg sodium, 27g of sugar. Not at all healthy but the least bad among pretty bad options.

5. McDonald’s

Founded in 1940 as a barbecue restaurant by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald, McDonald’s is the world’s largest chain of hamburger fast food restaurants and the world’s second largest private employer.

As a kid, I lived for happy meals but I have watched one too many YouTube videos about what’s in that stuff to ever sit in one of their drive-thrus again.  However, as one of the most recognizable chains, for some, McDonald’s may be unavoidable.

And the award goes to…

When looking at fat and sodium content (and if you can’t get your kid to eat salad), your best bet is likely the 4 Piece Chicken Nuggets, 190cal, 12g of fat, 360mg of sodium, 0g of sugar. At 12g of fat, it is by no means healthy.  However, when compared to the other options on the menu, it is the best choice.  The Honey Mustard Grilled Chicken Snack Wrap has less fat at 8g but it is also 650mg of sodium. For a side, stick with the Apple Slices 15 cal, 0 sugar (they probably didn’t count fruit sugar) and sodium (kids fries are 110 cal, 8g of fat, 65g of sodium), and for a beverage, Water or Minute Maid Apple Juice Box, 80 cal, 19g of sugar (thats a lot of sugar).

For Dessert? If you must, Kiddie Cone, 45 cal, 1.5 g of fat and 6g of sugar.

Note: There has been some controversy about McDonald’s cooking oils and the content of their nuggets. I’d read more on McD’s chicken nuggets here and here before feeding them to your kids.

6. Pizza Hut

Founded in 1958 by brothers and students at Wichita State University, Dan and Frank Carney, Pizza Hutt is owned by Yum! Brands (KFC, Taco Bell, etc.), one of the world’s largest restaurant companies.

After my parents were divorced, my phenomenal single mom returned to school and got both her Bachelor’s and Masters.  While she was incredibly wonderful, inspiring and present, she didn’t always have the time to cook.  Enter, Pizza Hut, the staple of my childhood meals.  My mouth waters just thinking about that buttery crust.  As an adult, I don’t live near one, but I know plenty of folks still do.

And the award goes to…

I have to start by saying the sodium content at Pizza Hut, like the soups and pastas at Panera, is through the roof! I’m pretty sure they are just throwing massive amounts of salt in the air and catching it on pizza stones. With that said, by slice your best bet overall are the Small Hand Tossed Pies with no processed meats (sausage, pepperoni, etc.) and real veggies.  A single Veggie Lover’s Small Hand Tossed Slice is 120cal, 4g of fat and 260mg of sodium not bad when you compare it with the the 1, 110mg of sodium in one Large Pan slice of the Pepperoni’s Lovers!

Do keep in mind, the nutritional content for Pizza Hut is measured by a single slice.  I don’t know anyone who just has one (even kids), calculate accordingly!

For Dessert? Just don’t. Between the carbs and fat, your kids will probably just be overeating. I’d suggest a nice after dinner walk instead!

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Note: The options were measured by calories, fat, sodium and sugar content.  It did not include a review of artificial ingredients or other chemicals used in the making of these foods.  Many of these options, when combined, exceed recommended daily intake for sodium, sugar and/or fat. As always, use your best judgment when making choices for your children.  When possible, avoid fast food.

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Are You Okay?

With the filming of police violence, the divisive and dangerous rhetoric soundtracking the 2016 election, and the flooding of microaggressions sneaking their way into mainstream media, the current sociopolitical climate can be exhausting. Often our social media news feeds are a reflection of all that is wrong in the world. When is the last time you asked yourself, “Am I okay?”

by Faye McCray

With the filming of police violence, the divisive and dangerous rhetoric soundtracking the 2016 election, and the flooding of microaggressions sneaking their way into mainstream media, the current sociopolitical climate can be exhausting.  Often our social media news feeds are a reflection of all that is wrong in the world. When is the last time you asked yourself, “Am I okay?”

I’ll never forget picking up my phone the morning after Philando Castille was murdered and watching what would be his final moments.  I was still under the covers, barely awake, and crying helplessly into my pillow.  Just a few hours later, I would be seeing my husband off to work and my two sons off to camp.  I wondered if I had the strength to let them go knowing the dangers that could await them.  Everything in me wanted to stay in bed, nestled beside my husband in the comfort of knowing that he and our children were safe. I was wary of the time we were living in, the strange world and the motivations of the people in it. I was also pregnant. I couldn’t help but wonder what burdens I was placing on my unborn son, just by being alive.

Needless to say, that wasn’t a positive way to start a morning.

Clinical psychologist and Director of the Center for Mental Health Disparities at the University of Louisville, Monnica Williams says, “Graphic videos,” which she calls vicarious trauma, “combined with lived experiences of racism, can create severe psychological problems reminiscent of post-traumatic stress syndrome.”  Dr. Williams studies the link between racism and post-traumatic stress disorder, which is known as race-based traumatic stress injury, or the emotional distress a person may feel after encountering racial harassment or hostility.

Parenting in this climate undoubtedly adds another level of stress and anxiety.  In addition to shouldering the average parental worries, as parents of kids of color, we also have to worry about how our children will be perceived when occupying certain spaces in their brown bodies.  It took me awhile to confront the fact that I was suffering the emotional toll of race-based trauma and significantly, that it was affecting how I loved and parented.  Here are a few steps we can take to ease our anxiety while parenting in the age of vicarious trauma:

1. Turn it off.

I used to get CNN alerts on my phone. They would come through by way of text message with uppercase headlines that were 99.9% negative.  They would jolt me out of my day.  There was another shooting.  Another person not held accountable.  Another dismal poll about the state of human existence.  I thought being informed somehow raised my level of consciousness.  Someone would ask,”Did you hear?” And I could respond, “Sure did.” And I had an opinion about it.

While there is nothing wrong with remaining informed, there is also nothing wrong with doing so in moderation. Based on the headline, I was running the gamut between anger, fear and tears in a single afternoon.  I had to recognize the emotional toll those alerts were taking on me and disable them.  I chose instead to check media outlets in my own time when I was in a safe space free to think in terms of solutions and not just outrage.  For me, that also included social media.  I gave myself permission to unfollow certain people on Facebook, and significantly, I gave myself permission to not watch every video.  I had to be honest with myself about my own sensitivity.  It was hard for me to rebound from watching someone killed. It stayed with me and in my consciousness for days.  I had to put myself first and that’s okay.

2. Find support.

Self-care is crucial to dealing with any trauma. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating enough? Are you taking time out for yourself? Are you talking about it? Sometimes it helps to talk to other parents who are grappling with similar anxiety about navigating the current sociopolitical climate.  You feel less alone in your worry and that can bring you peace.  I remember how good the embrace of a friend felt after hearing about Tamir Rice.  That support and solidarity is crucial to navigating these difficult times.

If you find your worry goes beyond a friendly ear, don’t be afraid to seek the help of a professional.  Some of us have emotional needs that require more regular assistance in processing the world around us.

3. Be present in your reality.

I live less than an hour away from Baltimore.  In the middle of the riots before charges were brought in the Freddie Gray case, I remember feeling a sense of heightened vigilance. I was on guard in every encounter, wary of every interaction and filled with worry and anxiety.

In those situations, I have learned to remind myself to be present.  Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Right now, am I safe? Are my children safe? Are the people I love safe? Living in the age we live in, it easy to take on every experience as your own.  While it is important to be empathetic, it is crucial that we don’t get lost in the emotional turmoil of shouldering another person’s burden.  It is okay to take a step back and remind yourself of your reality.  That will give you a clearer head to think in terms of solutions.

4. Brainstorm solutions.

And speaking of solutions, I find the best way to ease my anxiety is to figure out what I can do to make a change.  Remember the serenity prayer? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  While we can’t solve every problem, we can certainly find small ways to contribute to a solution.  From  getting more involved in your child’s school or community to facilitating honest, productive dialogue in diverse settings to donating to advocacy groups fighting for the change you seek, we all have the power to become more active in the fight for justice. Outrage is rarely a solution.  Updating your status or changing your profile picture on Facebook or Twitter is not a solution. I find nothing beats the fulfillment of taking affirmative steps towards a solution.

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About The Author

Faye McCray is anMcCray_AuthorPhoto (1) attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications.  Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon.  Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising.