Author: Faye McCray

Faye McCray is a writer and horror/sci fi obsessed blerdette skulking around the suburbs of Washington, D.C writing stuff and saying very little. She is the author of Dani’s Belts, a collection of short stories that follow a young college student turned unlikely heroine of the zombie apocalypse. She is also the author of Boyfriend, a novel following a young man as he navigates love and fidelity in college, and I am Loved!, a collection of positive affirmations for kids. You can find Faye at www.fayemccray.com and on www.weemagine.com, a site she cofounded with her husband to celebrate and inspire kids. You can connect with Faye on Facebook and Twitter @fayewrites. When she isn’t writing, Faye is spending time with her family and leading a covert double life as an attorney.

From Long Beach to Valedictorian: Interview with University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon

Pursuing a dream is rarely, if ever, easy. Along the way, you inevitably face set-backs and obstacles that stop many people before they even started. University of Memphis Head Chef Tyrece Higdon is not one of those people. Check out the inspiring story of his road to success.

Q. Tell us a little about yourself. Where are you from? Where do you live? How would people who know you describe you?

A. I was born and raised in Long Beach, NY. I currently reside in Millington, TN. I am very outgoing, laid back, silly, and all about positive thinking.

Q. Describe your job.

A. I am the Kitchen Manager/Head Chef over Residential Dining at the University of Memphis. I am responsible for ensuring over 1,200 people are fed daily. On a daily basis, I lead a crew of cooks to produce food from standardized recipes. In addition to overseeing the food production, I do the ordering, keep track of inventory, station merchandising, and training, just to name a few of my tasks.

Q. What were you doing before you decided to pursue culinary arts?

A. I owned a bread route in the Memphis Area, waking up at 2:30am, 7 days a week.

Q. What made you decide to change careers?

A. I ruptured my Achilles tendon. Being a route owner, I was forced to sell my route due to being physically unable to run my business effectively.

“I have two children that mean the world to me. I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams. So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.”

Q. What did you have to do to pursue your current career? For example, education, internships, certifications. How much time did it take?

A. I started school at the age of 33, with NO restaurant knowledge. I used financial aid assistance, student loan approval (40k), a lot of determination and on crutches. I spent two years in Culinary School. Then, I worked as a Sous chef for 3 years and I have been working catering events for 3 years.

Q. Who was your biggest inspiration? Mentors? Family? Friends?

I would most definitely say my mother. To watch her have the strength to raise 4 children and fight and defeat her demons gave me that kick I needed to not just “TRY” but “DO.”

Q. What was your biggest motivation? In other words, what kept you going?

A. I have two children that mean the world to me. I wanted to show them to never give up on your dreams. So, I hopped into culinary school on crutches and walked out Valedictorian.

Q. Did you experience any setbacks? How did you overcome them?

My only setback was the inconvenience of being partially disabled, due to crutches and a walking cast. Since I was unable to hang out or do a lot of ripping/running, I utilized my time to study fiercely.

“When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it. Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great. Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.”

Q. If you had a chance to go back in time and speak to your 15 year old self, a) would he be surprised to see where you are now? b) what would you say to him?

A. If I could speak to the skinny young me, I’d probably laugh at the weight I’ve gained, since I never thought, I could gain weight. I know I’d be giving myself a high five being that I made the decision back then that these streets will always be here. I would tell young me to focus more in school. You have a brain so use it and stop worrying if your so called friends are jealous. Do you with no holdbacks.

Q. What advice would you give to someone thinking about pursuing culinary arts or going after any dream?

If going into the culinary arts field, know for sure that this is what you want. If you are going just to learn how to cook using different methods, that’s cool, but very expensive if you are not putting the learned knowledge to use. If you are going to become a great chef, who is passionate about his/her craft, and wants to teach others, then by all means, the right program is worth it. When it comes to pursuing dreams, give your all to it. Use your nervousness as adrenaline to do great. Don’t be afraid to fail at first because even a failed attempt is experience and knowledge of what not to do.

Q. Any long-term goals or dreams?

I hope to one day be able to instruct urban youth on how to prepare nutritional meals. I have been blessed with a strong culinary IQ, and I would love more than anything to help the youth and have the tradition carried on.

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Minute Mentor provides a space for real people to tell their stories so if you or your little one is in search of mentorship on how to achieve their dreams, you can look no further than right here! Sometimes the best inspiration comes from seeing someone that looks like you achieving similar goals.

If you have any questions or comments for the featured guest, leave a comment, and we will do our best to bring it to their attention! Happy imagining!

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About The Author

Faye McCray is an attorney by day and writer all the time. Her work has been featured on My Brown Baby, AfroPunk, AfroNews, For Harriet, Madame Noire, Black Girl Nerds, Black and Married with Kids, and other popular publications. Faye also has a number of short stories and a full length novel available for purchase on Amazon. Most importantly, Faye is a proud wife and mother to three beautiful and talented young boys who she is fiercely passionate about raising. You can find Faye on Twitter @fayewrites and on the web at fayemccray.com.

Tears for Jordan*

One mom’s emotional reflection on parenting in the era of increased gun violence.

He’s up from nap.

He stretches his long legs out over his blue and green sheets, snuggling his curly hair into his pillow. He opens his big brown eyes and looks at me, a soft smile on his face, then he closes his eyes again, turning so his chubby golden cheeks nestle deep into his pillow. He curls in a ball, drawing his knees to his chest and breathing softly. He looks so tiny in his new big boy bed. His three-year-old frame only making up a third of its length. The rest crowded with his stuffed animal friends and fluffy comforter.

Are you up, baby?

I whisper it, kneeling beside his bed and breathing in his smell. He smells like cookies and clay. From the morning of playtime and the snack he just had to have. I kiss his nose and he wipes it away, sitting up slowly. His bare feet dangling over the edge of his bed and his eyes still hanging low from sleep. I watch as a soft yawn escapes his tiny pink lips. I remember him as the colorless baby, swaddled and content, nestled in my arms as I dreamed for him, wondering what his new life would bring. Fresh steps, new soul.

Now, he reaches his arms out for me and I lift him. Letting him nestle his head into that soft dip near my collarbone, and wrap his little legs around my waist. I feel his body release a heavy sigh.

He is safe and he feels it. I run my hand over his warm back, and I do too.

He fills me. My soul forever pregnant. Giving birth to thoughts and plans of his life and his brother’s, mine, ours and theirs. I remember the love that made them. The love that sustains them. I nourish it so we witness them hand-in-hand. I nourish my mind so I don’t miss a moment. I dream of being silver-haired and watching the children they make, play off a country porch, their shadows dancing at sunset in a lake. Smiling to myself, content. Lived and full.

But now I cry.

My tears are puddles at my feet. Joining in the streams that fill the rivers, staining the Diaspora. For Lucia and Sybrina. For Emmett, Addie Mae, Cynthia, Carole and Denise’s Mommies. For Hadiya’s Mommy. For Baltimore’s Mommies. For Chicago’s. For Detroit’s. For New York City’s. For all the dreams halted by bullets. The joy buried in caskets. The Mommy’s whose babies they were helpless to protect. Guns loaded with worthlessness both mandated by a careless society and perpetuated needlessly by its victims.

It’s all hate crimes.

I once again lower my head beneath a stream of water and wash a festering sore. Hoping to rinse away the virus infecting my dreams. The virus that worries about the evil in others, the criminalization of the beautiful brown skin love made, and the lowered expectations of every teacher under a brainwashed spell. That virus that caused me to worry when my sons grew out of their toddler clothes because I knew it was only a matter of time before the world stopped seeing the beauty I did. Before those kind smiles and waves from strangers, became purse clutching, eye-avoiding fear, nurtured and fostered by an unkind media and an unfair justice system.

I place a Band-Aid on the festering sore and dream awake. The lullaby of lies is only comforting to the unconscious.

My eyes are open now.

He’s awake.

*In 2012, after an argument over loud music, Michael Dunn, a 47-yr old white Floridian fired ten shots into a carful of unarmed black teenagers, killing Jordan Davis, a seventeen year old boy. Yesterday, after more than thirty hours of deliberation, a jury found Dunn guilty of three counts of attempted second degree murder and one count of firing into an occupied car. A mistrial was declared on the first-degree murder charge.

This post originally appeared on http://www.fayemccray.com.

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About The Author

20 Life-Changing Quotes on Parenting

I didn’t know my capacity to love until I had my children. I didn’t know how fiercely I would fight to protect them. I didn’t know how motivated I would be to leave the world a better place. Parenting has inspired great thinkers, artists and activists past and present. Here are 20 quotes on parenting by some of the greats to give you inspiration and solidarity as you navigate rearing the loves of your lives.

I didn’t know my capacity to love until I had my children. I didn’t know how fiercely I would fight to protect them. I didn’t know how motivated I would be to leave the world a better place. Parenting has inspired great thinkers, artists and activists, past and present. Here are 20 quotes on parenting by some of the greats to give you inspiration and solidarity as you navigate rearing the loves of your lives.

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1. “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglass

2. “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you and though they are with you they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” – Kahlil Gibran

3. “My most important title is still mom-in-chief. My daughters are still the heart of my heart and the center of my world.” – Michelle Obama

4. “Mother is a verb. It’s something you do. Not just who you are.” – Cheryl Lacey Donovan

5. “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” – Jesse Jackson

6. “The reality is that most of us communicate the same way that we grew up. That communication style becomes our normal way of dealing with issues, our blueprint for communication. It’s what we know and pass on to our own children. We either become our childhood or we make a conscious choice to change it.” – Kristen Crockett

7. “In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.” – N.K. Jemisin

8. “You don’t have favourites among your children, but you do have allies. ” – Zadie Smith

9. “When mother-cow is chewing grass its young ones watch its mouth” – Chinua Achebe

10. “To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow.” – Maya Angelou

11. “Black people love their children with a kind of obsession. You are all we have, and you come to us endangered.” – Ta-Nehisi Coates

12. “Loving someone as fiercely as my mom loves me must be like wearing your heart outside of your body with no skin, no bones, no nothing to protect it.” – Nicola Yoon

13. “The best thing she was, was her children.” – Toni Morrison

14. “Beautiful is the man who leaves a legacy that of shared love and life. It is he who transfers meaning, assigns significance and conveys in his loving touch the fine art and gentle shaping of a life. This man shall be called, Father.” – Stella Payton

15. “Behind every great man is a man greater, his father.” – Habeeb Akande

16. “The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving of ways.” – Unknown

17. “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” – W.E.B. DuBois

18. “Family doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be flawless. It doesn’t have to be what you had in mind. You can’t control it. But it is a gymnasium for love to work out in.” – Bishop T.D. Jakes

19. “I tried to be the greatest boxer in the world and a good parent, too. I had instant feedback on my success as a boxer. Often, parents don’t really know if what they are doing is right or wrong until their child is grown and it is too late to change any of the decisions. Whatever my failings as a parent, I am very proud of all my children. It wasn’t easy for them to make their own way with such a controversial and public father.” – Muhammad Ali

20. “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

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About The Author

Be Good to Your Daughters

While the myth of the absent black father has been debunked again and again, it doesn’t negate the reality that some dads could be doing much better by their daughters.

In 2003, recording artist John Mayer won the Grammy Award for Song of the Year for his song “Daughters.” In it, Mayer paints a somber picture of girls with father issues navigating relationships as adults. He warns, “on behalf of every man, looking out for every girl, you are the God and weight of her world… so fathers, be good to your daughters.” At the time, there were few things that annoyed me more than John Mayer (he was EVERYWHERE) but it was impossible to deny the truth in the song. This year, Kelly Clarkson brought millions of people (including herself… and me) to tears when singing an acoustic version of her song, “Piece by Piece,” an emotional song reflecting on her disappointment with her own father.

I was reminded of these songs last night when I caught the tail end of Iyanla Vanzant’s reality show, Fix My Life. The show focused on rehabilitating the so-called “Angry Black Woman.” While the episode was everything you would expect, one theme rang true, so many of the women who were featured had issues that began with disappointment in their fathers.

While the myth of the absent black father has been debunked again and again, it doesn’t negate the reality that some dads could be doing much better by their daughters. My parents divorced when I was six and while my father was always present, it was impossible to ignore the void his physical absence left me with. Luckily, I had two brothers, ten and twelve years older than me, who stepped up in ways he could not. As I grew into a young lady and chose my spouse, here are some of things being loved by them taught me I needed.

1918698_595632315990_5325370_n — My brothers and I at my wedding in 2006. (c) Faye McCray

1. Be honest.

One of the more priceless lessons my eldest brother taught me was to recognize the humanity in the adults in my life. It may seem like a simple lesson but when you’re a child, you tend to see your parents and other adults in your life as superhuman. I think thats why it is so difficult to recover from childhood disappointment. My brother was careful to dismantle the pedestal I put the adults in my life on… even him. That way when they disappointed me, it didn’t crush me.

One of the most important things you can do for your daughter is be honest. Don’t attempt to be superhuman by hiding your flaws or masking your vulnerability. Admit when you made a mistake. Admit when you lied. Tell her the truth even if it may hurt her. Your honesty will help your daughter see you as a whole person. That way when you disappoint her, and you will, she will recognize your humanity and not just see you as a liar.

2. Stand by your word.

My kids are constantly begging for things. “Mommy, can we go here…” “Mommy, can we do this…” Sometimes its easier to say, “Later” than “No” even if I know that saying “No” is inevitable. The thing is, if you are constantly promising one thing and doing another, it won’t be long before your words means nothing.

In the words of Melania Trump… or First Lady Michelle Obama, “Your word is your bond.” If you say your going to be there, be there. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you aren’t sure you will be able to do either of those things, be honest about it. Nothing stings worst to a young woman than disappointment. You want your daughter to be able to rely on you and expect the same from the man she may choose to be with.

3. Tell her she is beautiful.

I had my fair share of awkward phases during adolescence. I had a gangly rail-thin phase, a pimply phase, and a phase where my belly always poked out from under my shirt, no matter how hard I tried to suck it in. Like most girls, it wasn’t always easy feeling secure in my body. Some days, it felt like I would never learn to love myself, let alone find someone to love me.

Young girls are fragile. Especially girls of color. Growing up, we are hard pressed to find images of ourself where we are symbols of beauty or the object of someone’s affection. As a father, you have a unique ability to make your daughter feel beautiful. You are your daughters first representative of the opposite sex. Tell her you enjoy her smile, that the new color she painted her toes is cute, that she looks even more beautiful after browning in the sun. Feeling beautiful in your Dad’s eyes, even if just his, can make all the difference in how you cope with the many phases of adolescent insecurity.

4. Don’t hit her.

This is pretty self explanatory, though, I know it may be controversial. However, as a society that condemns all forms of domestic violence, I think it’s important to teach our daughters early that a man should never lay his hands on her in anger. By saying it’s okay for fathers to hit their daughters in certain circumstances, I think we dangerously blur the line about whether it’s okay for a man to hit a woman. If you tell your daughter no man is allowed to put his hands on her, show her you mean it by doing the same.

5. Treat other women the way you want to see men treat her. Especially her mother.

Whether you are married, divorced or single, your daughter will see the way you treat the women in your life as an indication of how she should expect men to treat her. If you are constantly disrespecting women, bad-mouthing her mother or womanizing, if will be difficult for her to build a foundation of trust with a man in the future because she will constantly worry he will turn into you; or worse, she will expect him to. It’s hard enough navigating adulthood without entering it with trust issues.

If you can’t curb your womanizing ways, avoid exposing your daughter to your behavior. Don’t bring multiple women around her. Where possible, avoid bad-mouthing her mother in her presence. Save your complaints for another adult. Your daughter (or any child) is never an appropriate audience for this kind of behavior.

6. Enjoy her company.

My eldest brother used to pick me up from elementary school so we could ride the city bus home from school. It was in the age of Kangols and boomboxes, and he would insist on sitting in the back of the bus with music blasting. Despite his efforts to be cool, little me didn’t get the memo. I would dance and act silly until it broke his facade and he was laughing right along with me. I was too young to remember every detail of those moments, but what I do remember is how good it felt that my company was enjoyed. As I grew older, I was confident that other people would enjoy my company too. Even if I was a little weird.

With your own daughter, laugh at her jokes. Find joy in the things she does. If your time with her is limited, find things to do that keep you two engaged. Don’t just plop her in front of a television or a movie and babysit her, spend actual time with her. Find things to do together that allow you the opportunity to get to know who she is. That will give her more confidence that she is someone worth getting to know.

7. Tell her you love her.

My nineties kids will likely remember that old Brownstone song, “If You Love Me.” The chorus begins, “If you love me, say it.” While the song is about romantic love, that line always stuck with me. I think it stuck with me because saying I love you has never been easy for me to say unless I mean it. My husband, then-boyfriend, was the first to say I love you. To this day, we laugh at the memory because initially, I didn’t say it back, and his response was, “You know you love me too.” While he was probably right, the words meant a lot to me. I didn’t want to say it until I was sure I meant it. Today, he couldn’t stop me from saying it if he tried.

Just as much as saying the words matter, hearing them matter too. While arguably, showing you love someone is better, you can do both. Tell your daughter you love her so she never has a reason to question whether you do. If you can’t muster saying the words, write them. Those three words are too important to be left untold.

8. Don’t walk away.

No matter how hard things get with her mother or how difficult her teenage years are on you, never walk away from your daughter. Fight to stay present and in her life. Even if the complexities of teen angst stop her from wanting to talk to you or make her hard to be around, never stop trying. Love her unconditionally. Show her she is worthy of unconditional love.

About The Author

Encouraging Lifelong Fitness in Kids

The Centers for Disease Control recommends that children have at least 60 minutes of physical activity a day. The activity should include aerobic exercise, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening. As working parents, it is often difficult to find the time or energy to get your kids active. Here are a few tips on getting your children active.

1. Make it fun.

The best way to get your children active is to make it fun. As a kid, I used to LOVE playing outside. I would spend hours riding my bike, climbing trees and playing tag with my neighborhood friends. I didn’t call it exercise; I called it play, and I almost never got tired of it. Nowadays, there are so many distractions that can keep our children from developing the joy of active play. It’s easier to plop your kids in front of the television or put an iPad in their hands than to worry about their safety outdoors. What I have learned from my own children, however, is that they still have that innate desire to play. Even if they don’t say so, I can tell by how often I have to stop them from running through the house and jumping on their beds.

Where possible, allow your children the opportunity to get outside. Invest in scooters, bikes and skates – just don’t forget a helmet! If your child isn’t interested in toys with wheels, go exploring through your neighborhood allowing your children to get moving with a purpose. My youngest loves to search for acorns. He also loves it when we take walks through our local park and I let him lead the way. If you have a child with a competitive spirit and you’re up to it, challenge him/her to a short foot race. I regularly race my kids to the car in a safe parking lot or up a short flight of stairs. If you’re like me, you’ll lose, but at least it will get their heart rate up and encourage that love of active play that they will carry into adulthood.

2. Enroll in active extracurricular activities.

Since my boys were three, they have been enrolled in martial arts. While we initially chose karate for the discipline and self-defense, we quickly learned about the endurance and strength it takes to practice the art. Each lesson starts with a work out that includes obstacle courses, running, push-ups, jumping jacks and squats. By practicing martial arts, my children are engaging in over an hour of aerobic exercise and strength training each week.

As your children get older, the world of athletic extracurriculars will expand. Whether it’s basketball, lacrosse, football, dance or karate, extracurricular activities allow your children a fun and productive way to get moving! Boys and Girls Clubs and other community centers make extracurricular activities affordable for any budget. They also enable you to take a break while your children’s instructors do the hard work!

3. Walk when possible.

As a former city kid, I always had opportunities to walk. So much so that I dreamed of the day that I would be able to drive. I started taking public transportation alone when I was ten and that was pretty much my primary mode of transportation until I was 18. Now, as a resident of the suburbs, it isn’t always as easy to stay active. I can drive pretty much everywhere and the longest walks I get are across a big parking lot. I find it increasingly important to find opportunities to walk when I am able.

Whether its parking a little farther away from the grocery store or waking up early to allow yourself the time to walk your kids to school in the morning, you can find a way to squeeze in that extra exercise for you and your child. I knew a mom who lived far away from our elementary school but would park a few blocks away just to get a walk in with her daughter each morning. She was always sweating when she arrived but her and her daughter looked energized and ready to start the day. If walking your kids to or from school isn’t an option, you can encourage your child to get in extra steps by avoiding short cuts. Take the long way to the produce section of Target or park on the opposite end of the mall when taking a trip to Macy’s. Even if you have a tendency to rush, allowing yourself the extra time to take your time will have lasting effects on the health of your children.

4. Don’t use bad weather as an excuse.

I have been guilty of this one myself. If it’s raining, cold or too hot, I am tempted to take an ‘L’ on the day. However, just because you are stuck indoors doesn’t mean you can’t get active. With the surge of indoor play areas like Pump it Up, Sky Zone and Monkey Joe’s, kids have the option to jump and play for hours in the safety of the indoors. In addition, certain dancing and sports video games allow children the opportunity to get active while staring at a screen. If indoor play areas and interactive video games aren’t in your budget, you can also get your children active at home.

I asked Certified Fitness Professional Troy Brown of Tru2Fitness, LLC for advice on getting your children active indoors. Troy recommends encouraging your children to do push-ups and squats to work their upper and lower body. If space permits, he also recommends jump ropes for aerobic exercise and resistance bands to build strength. Troy also notes that everyday household items can be used as weights for more strength training. A 16oz bottle of water is 1lb and a 24oz bottle is 1.5lbs. With some creativity, you can design a quick workout plan that can get you and your kids active even on a rainy day! You can follow Troy on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and Pinterest @tru2fitness for more great tips on how to get active!

5. Lead by example.

“Adulting” is hard. After a long day of work, I usually want to put my feet up, bury my nose in a good book and check out. Likewise, some weekends, I would be perfectly content to just curl up in my bed and binge watch mindless television. The thing is, my kids are always watching. If I want to set a good example for them, I have to practice what I preach about healthy habits, including exercise. For Mother’s Day 2014, I bought myself a brand new bicycle. What started off as a few circles around the block, turned into a lifestyle for me. I grew to adore cycling. It wasn’t long before I started taking my kids with me on my bike rides through local parks and our neighborhood. They absolutely loved it!

During the off season, I joined our local gym to stay in shape and made sure it had a kids’ space designed to keep them active while I work out. The space has a jungle gym and trampolines. They love it so much they ask me to go to the gym. This helps hold me accountable because my kids notice when we haven’t been in awhile. Family friendly gyms like the YMCA and Lifetime Fitness offer opportunities to get active with your kids. My husband regularly takes our boys to the Y for Open Gym to run around and shoot hoops. For them, it just feels like play but they all come home sweaty with calories burned.

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About The Author

Moving? Here are 5 Tips to Help Identify the Right Neighborhood for You and Your Family

It’s inevitable. At some point in all of our adult lives, we have to choose a place to live. I hate, despise and loathe moving but I love the possibilities of settling into a new place. If a move is in your near future, here are five golden rules for choosing the right fit for you and your family.

1. Identify your priorities.

For us, we had four major priorities: 1) good schools, 2) diversity, 3) safety and 4) proximity to work. When we purchased our first home in 2011, neither of our children were school age. However, public education was something that was important to us. We didn’t want to have to send our children to private schools so we could save money for their college education. My husband and I both graduated with student loan debt and didn’t want the same burden for our kids. We also wanted to raise our boys in a diverse area. We didn’t want to be the only family of color. I grew up in Queens, New York which is the most ethnically diverse area in the world (actual fact, y’all). My friends were from everywhere and I think that prepared me to move in this world as a much more well rounded human. I wanted the same for my children. Safety was also a major priority for us. I wanted to live in a community with a low crime rate so I felt free to take long walks and bike rides with my children without worrying. Lastly, proximity to work was important to me. As a New York City native, I knew what it was to spend hours in gridlock on a freeway or moving between buses and trains. It was important to me that my husband and I both made it home in time for dinner and if we had to get to our children in a hurry, we wouldn’t have to worry about a long commute. Ideally, I wanted to be able to get to work in under a half an hour.

Your priorities may be different but it is important you identify them before you begin your search. That will help you narrow your search range and also identify reasonable expectations in terms of size and price. Identifying good school districts often has a big impact on price and taxes. Ultimately, we had to downgrade our expectations in terms of house size in favor of an excellent and diverse school district.

2. Research. Research. Research.

Identifying your priorities should provide you with a search range. If not, try to come up with a list of desirable counties within your state or even better, towns or cities. Google was my best friend when researching. You can find everything from the history of an area, to recent news, to community boards. Specifically, however, it is important to look into crime reports (including the sex offender registry), school score cards and demographics. The county police department is a good place to start for crime reports. Our local police department’s website provides statistics and a daily bulletin documenting police reports and crimes. It doesn’t take long to identify areas of high crime activity. If your unable to find this information online, give them a call. There are also great sites for school data. I begin with the actual school district website and then I move to sites like greatschools.org which provides a comprehensive score card including demographic information. There you can find a percentage of each ethnicity in a school district which will help you weed out school districts that lack diversity (if that is important to you). Markers like students participating in the free or reduced lunch program also provide a snapshot in the economic diversity of a community. I dig a little deeper into demographics by visiting sites like city-data.com which provides information such as religions, income, weather and how educated a particular community is. The site also provides forums to ask questions about specific areas that may be more difficult to research (i.e, areas with good Ethiopian food).

Lastly, take advantage of the plethora of real estate websites and apps. I adore realtor.com. Even now, when we are planning on staying in our house for at least the next five years, I have the realtor.com app on my smartphone and anytime we are in a new community I run a local search of home prices. Realtor.com allows you to search by school district and provides a snapshot of past property assessments which gives you a great idea of how a community is doing in terms of home value. It is so important to look into how the home prices have been doing. While most communities experienced some depreciation following the 2006-07 housing bubble, a good area should have a steady increase in home appreciation. You want a house that builds equity. Steady declines or tons of foreclosures and short sales could be a big red flag.

3. Spend time in the community.

Once you’ve narrowed your search, plan a visit. For us, we rented in our community for two years before buying so we had plenty of time to identify areas that seemed like the right fit. Whether renting is your end objective or you are going straight to buying, make sure you take time to visit and get a good feel for the communities you are interested in. A realtor once recommended I visit the area in the morning, afternoon and evening. This gives you an idea of what a community looks like at all times of day not just during the quiet of the afternoon when everyone is at school and work. When we were apartment hunting, my husband and I fell in love with this cozy apartment seemingly tucked away in a beautiful wooded area. We visited in the morning and were ready to sign the lease but decided to grab lunch and talk it over before committing. When we came back that afternoon to met with the leasing consultant, we were surprised to find the leasing office locked and the leasing consultant sitting behind his desk looking visibly uncomfortable. There were more people around the once quiet community that didn’t crack a smile at us as we approached. It didn’t take long to realize that the leasing consultant didn’t feel safe in the community and neither did we. We immediately crossed that apartment complex off the list.

While your visiting, also be sure to visit local establishments. Markers of a good community include commerce. If you are unable to identify a local grocery store or small business within 10-15 minutes of your home that should raise a red flag about the money people are putting into the community. Visiting local establishments also gives you an idea of the attitudes of the people in the community. When we were house hunting, we visited a neighboring county with much lower home prices but really great school districts. The only problem is the community lacked the diversity we were hoping for. Considering the sacrifice, we spent the day with our realtor looking at some great homes that came in under budget. When we were done for the day, we went out for pizza at a local spot that had good reviews. When we walked in, you could hear a pin drop. To put it plainly, we were the only brown faces and it was clear everyone noticed. While everyone was decent enough, they were curious where we were from and how long we were staying. Answer: not here, not long. Spending time in a community can be one of the fastest ways to identify small minds.

4. Get advice.

Talk to people! As a non-native of my current neighborhood, I didn’t know all the ins and outs of the areas I was researching as I would have in my hometown. I remember seeing a beautiful area off the interstate and questioning a friend and she said simply you don’t want to live there. When I pressed her, she told me it was an area of high KKK activity. She admitted even as a white person she would never go there. After I google verified, I nearly kissed her. Sometimes you need a person to tell you what research will not. Like, the deserted areas where the street lights never work, the roads that people speed down, the local grocery store that always sells spoiled food, or the areas where small minds outnumber progressive ones. I asked co-workers, friends and even questioned strangers when visiting the areas on my list.

Also, if within your budget, consult a realtor. A good realtor can be a life saver but be mindful, not every one is a good fit. When we first started our home search, we hired a realtor that insisted on directing us to areas we weren’t interested in. After months of back and forth, I started visiting homes on my own and in the process met an amazing realtor who listened. He knew our priorities and was patient with our search. I was actually happy to fork him over a check at closing.

5. Don’t settle.

Whether searching for a home or an apartment, the process can be exhausting. From securing financing, to saving, to visiting places, it’s tempting to just pull an “eeny, meeny, miney, moo” and call it a day. However, whether its a lease or a mortgage, you don’t want to be stuck in a place that makes you miserable for any amount of time. Take your time and don’t settle. Even if that means putting your search aside or making temporary accommodations like a short term lease while you decide. You want to have peace of mind where you rest your head each night so choose wisely!

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About The Author

Best of the Worst: Kid’s Meals at Your Favorite Chain Restaurant

From Chili’s to Olive Garden, here are the best and worst options at 6 of the most popular restaurant chains.

Here we go again! Despite my best intentions, eating out is often inevitable for my family. With two kids and another on the way, I’ve learned to cut myself some slack when I am not able to serve home cooked meals everyday. However, with nutritional info often buried on websites and in secret books, it isn’t always easy to make informed decisions when making choices for my children. I did some digging to make it easier for all of us! From Chili’s to Olive Garden, here are the best and worst options at 6 of the most popular restaurant chains.

Note: According to the Centers for Disease Control and the American Heart Association, kids should have between 19-30g of sugar per day and 1,500mg of sodium per day. Children ages 4 to 8 need 33 to 78 grams of fat daily; kids ages 9 to 13 require 39 to 101 grams of fat daily. Sources of healthy, unsaturated dietary fats for children include vegetable oils, purified omega-3 oils, avocados, olives, peanut butter, nuts and seeds. Saturated, unhealthy fats are found in high-fat meats, lard, butter, cream, ice cream and full-fat dairy products, such as whole milk and cheese. The options below were measured by calories, fat, sodium and sugar content. It did not include a review of artificial ingredients or other chemicals used in the making of these foods. Many of these options, when combined, exceed recommended daily intake for sodium, sugar and/or fat. As always, use your best judgment when making choices for your children!

1. Chili’s

BEST: Grilled Chicken Platter, 160cal, 4g of fat, 690mg of sodium, 31g of protein with a side of celery sticks or steamed broccoli and to drink: Water or Cranberry Juice 80cal, 20g of sugar

WORST: Pepperoni Pizza, 34g of fat, 1250mg of sodium and 8g of sugar and Homestyle Fries, 190cal, 8g of fat, 710mg of sodium, Kid’s Float 330cal, 10g of fat, 63g of sugar

2. Applebees

BEST: Kid’s 4oz Sirloin, 140cal, 6g of fat, 180mg of sodium, 23g of protein; Side: Applesauce, 40cal, 8g of sugar; Chicken Griller is a good alternative at 4g of fat but has 760mg of sodium; Drink: Water or Milk 1%, 110cal, 2.5g of fat, 12g of sugar

WORST: Kid’s Grilled Cheese, 640cal, 32g of fat, 2080mg of sodium, 42g of protein; Side: Fries 430cal, 20g of fat, 970mg of sodium; To drink: Oreo Cookie Shake, 820cal, 39g of fat, 460mg of sodium and 74g of sugar;

3. TGIF Friday’s

BEST: Pasta & Marinara, 240cal, 150mg of sodium, 9g of protein, 2g of fat; side: Side Salad or fruit cup, to drink: Water or Kid’s Crush Strawberry Lemonade, 60cal, 15g of sugar.

WORST: Kid’s Sliders, 470cal, 31g of fat, 1290mg of sodium; Side: Seasoned Fries, 320cal, 16g of fat, 1010mg of sodium; Drink: Kid’s Chocolate Milk, 230cal, 3.5g saturated fat, 36g of sugar, 135mg of sodium

4. Pizzeria Uno’s

BEST: Kid’s Pasta, 300cal, 3g of fat, 280mg of sodium, 8g of sugar, 11g of protein; Side: Carrots and Cucumbers, 60cal, 80mg of sodium, 7g of sugar; Water or Non-Carbonated Drink

WORST: Chicken Pops, 970cal, 42g of fat, 55g of sugar, 2130mg of sodium; Side: French Fries, 350cal, 27g of fat, 1190mg of sodium; To drink: Chocolate Cookie Freezer, 480cal, 14g of fat, 83g of sugar.

5. Cheesecake Factory

BEST: Kid’s Roadside Sliders, 390cal, 5g Saturated Fat, 620mg Sodium; Side: Kid’s Fresh Fruit; To Drink: Water or Milk

WORST: Kid’s Pasta with Alfredo Sauce, 1250cal, 55g Saturated Fat, 784mg Sodium; Kid’s French Fries, 270cal, 2g Saturated Fat, 1228mg sodium

*Cheesecake Factory info was incredibly difficult to uncover. While a large majority of the menu information is available on the website, the kids meal information is notably absent. According to Calorie Lab, this info is available in a booklet upon request inside their locations.

6. Olive Garden

BEST: Kid’s Grilled Chicken, 490cal, 11g fat, 710mg sodium, 34g protein; Side: Steamed Broccoli; To Drink: Water or 1% Milk

WORST: Cheese Ravioli 340cal, 16g fat, 990mg sodium, 17g Protein, To Drink: Raspberry Lemonade, 100 cal, 28g of sugar

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About The Author

Patriotism and Our Children

As a thinking child of color being raised and educated in the United States, it doesn’t take long to recognize your place in this country’s celebrated history. During the 1787 Constitution Convention, the same folks that declared “all men are created equal” also drafted the Three-Fifths Compromise which counted non-voting enslaved Africans as three-fifths of a person. Those same men denied women the right to vote. This conflict between principle and practice was a theme throughout history and still resonates today.

Speaking in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in February 2008, while her husband was still campaigning for President, the future first lady Michelle Obama stunned many when she declared, “… for the first time in my adult life I am proud of my country and not just because Barack has done well but because I think people are hungry for change and I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment.” While during the rally her comments were met with applause, almost immediately the media pounced. People questioned her patriotism and her allegiance to a country her husband was campaigning to represent. Things worked out. However, I remember thinking at the time how much I valued her honesty in that moment. It clearly wasn’t scripted and frankly, I don’t know any intellectual who didn’t know exactly what she meant.

With all the recent controversy over Colin Kaepernick (the football player calling national attention to police killings of unarmed people of color by lowering himself to one knee during the National Anthem), it has reignited the debate about what patriotism is and who has the right to exercise it.

According to Merriam-Webster, patriotism is defined simply as the “love for or devotion to one’s country.” The word is derived from the latin word “patriota” which means countryman. The noun “patriotism” began to popularize in 18th century Europe to inspire a love and loyalty of their country in students. Interestingly, during the American revolution, revolutionaries, those fighting for American independence, were dubbed “Patriots.” Although they were rejecting the ruling British monarch, they were committed to the principles of republicanism which held liberty and unalienable individual rights as central values, making white men sovereign and rejecting monarchy, aristocracy, inherited political power and corruption.

As a thinking child of color being raised and educated in the United States, it doesn’t take long to recognize your place in this country’s celebrated history. During the 1787 Constitutional Convention, the same folks that declared “all men are created equal” also drafted the Three-Fifths Compromise which counted non-voting enslaved Africans as three-fifths of a person. Those same men denied women the right to vote. This conflict between principle and practice was a theme throughout history and still resonates today.

“All I could think while he was bellowing out “land of the free and home of the brave” was that the song was written in 1814. His ancestors, while brave, were anything but free. Was it my responsibility in that moment to interrupt the song my then five year old was so proud to sing to me and tell him the truth?”

Like most parents, I feel a responsibility to my children to tell them the truth. However, at six and nine, it isn’t always easy to know how much truth they can handle. Our history in this country can be complex. Our current primary education system doesn’t really allow for a discussion of that complexity. It is Eurocentric and designed to create loyalists, much in the same way the old British monarch envisioned it. As a parent, I want to reveal those complexities and challenge my children to think. However, I struggle with revealing the truth to them in a way that doesn’t burden them or make them feel anger and shame. Last year, my middle baby began Kindergarten. I remember how enthusiastic he was when he came home and insisted on singing the new song he had learned in music class. It was “The Star Spangled Banner,”our national anthem. All I could think while he was bellowing out “land of the free and home of the brave” was that the song was written in 1814. His ancestors, while brave, were anything but free. Was it my responsibility in that moment to interrupt the song my then five year old was so proud to sing to me and tell him the truth?

In present day society, as a mother of three brown boys I would be lying if I didn’t admit loving them involves a considerable amount of worry. Police corruption and violence is a reality. The school to prison pipeline is a reality. Mass incarceration is a reality. All of which disproportionately impact humans that look like them. I can’t deny my disappointment in a government and citizenship that makes it a habit of looking the other way rather than committing to its own founding principles and insisting on change. Watching Kaepernick take a knee and a multitude of athletes follow suit, I can’t help but recognize the act as a direct affront to that conflict I recognized as a child. The physical act calls attention to the disparities between principle and practice. Viewing the act through a parental gaze, I can only hope that my boys would make a similar choice one day. Although they may never have the opportunity to take a knee on a national stage, I would hope they would question the reality of the world around them and be brave enough to take action, much like this country’s Founding Fathers did even if our people were left on the side lines. To recall the 2008 words of our first lady, I have “been desperate to see our country moving in [the direction of change]” and to not feel “so alone in my frustration and disappointment.”

“If no one ever criticized their governments, there would be no abolition of slavery, no civil rights movement and frankly, no United States of America.”

Which begs the question, what do I teach my children about patriotism? Is it to stand on the side of those that say America “right or wrong”? Those that hurl racial epithets and demand revocation of citizenship to those that hold America accountable to its own standards? Or is it to stand on the side of those that recognize the complexity and disappointment that can sometimes go along with American citizenship? Those that recognize that there is still an underclass of people brandished to the side lines? Leading question, right? Obviously for me, the answer is to stand on the side of the thinkers. Blind loyalty above criticism is the antithesis of patriotism. If no one ever criticized their governments, there would be no abolition of slavery, no civil rights movement and frankly, no United States of America.

I want my children to question everything and challenge the status quo. I want them to seek knowledge even if it means stepping outside of what makes them comfortable and admitting when they are wrong. I didn’t stop my five year old from singing the National Anthem. However, as my children get older, I hope to act as their teacher, unfolding the truths hidden in history. I hope to encourage their questions, their skepticism and their empathy for the citizens left out or addressed as footnotes. I hope we can be truth seekers together, since I am the product of the same education system. I hope with that truth comes criticism. In fact, I expect it. If one day those choices are met with the label of unpatriotic, by today’s definition, I can only be proud.

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About The Author

Innovative and Resourceful Apps Created by Blerds

From a directory of books featuring characters of color, to a scholarship database, to a way to finally “unsend” a text message you regret, check out these innovative and resourceful apps created by Blerds!

1. We Read Too

Price: Free

We Read Too is a book resource app created by Kaya Thomas that includes hundreds of children’s and YA books written by authors of color and featuring characters of color! This one is a must for the next trip to the library or bookstore! Available on iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch.

2. A Song for Miles

Price: $2.99

A Song for Miles, created by Tiffany Russell, Ph.D., is an interactive storybook that takes children on a colorful and musical journey through the lyrics of artists like Stevie Wonder, Earth, Wind, and Fire, and Marvin Gaye. According to the developer, “A Song for Miles nurtures children’s inquisitive nature and love of music and sounds, all while teaching valuable lessons such as “initiative, compassion, civility, respect, empathy, responsibility, and perseverance.” Available of iPhone, iPad and Kindle.

3. Where U

Price: Free

WhereU is a local business search app created by Dr. Dionne Mahaffey that connects users with local African American and Latino owned businesses for services such as house cleaning, catering, lawyers, doctors, graphic designers, beauty salons and more. According to the developer, the app includes a real-time leaderboard of black owned businesses across categories, ranked by peer-to-peer referral counts. Available on iOS and Android.

4. Scholly

Price: Free with In-App Purchases (including a Scholly Account for $2.99)

Scholly is a college scholarship app created by Christopher Gray, Philadelphia native and son of a single mom, who won $1.3 million in scholarships as a senior in high school. Finding the process difficult and time consuming Gray created Scholly to make things much easier. Gray landed a deal with Daymond John and Lori Greiner on Shark Tank growing his app to #1 overall for three weeks! Actor and activist Jesse William recently joined Scholly on the Board of Directors. Most importantly, however, Scholly has helped students and families find over $50 million in scholarship money to go college! Available on iOS and Android.

5. On Second Thought

Price: Free

On Second Thought is a mobile messaging app that was created by Maci Peterson which lets you take back text messages before they get to the other person’s phone. The app allows for a grace period of up to 60 seconds after a message has been sent before it is actually sent to the other person’s phone to allow you to change your mind. You can also program a curfew that stops messages from being sent after a certain hour. Available on Android (iPhone Beta in progress).

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About The Author

Best of the Worst Kid’s Options at 6 of The Most Popular Fast Food Chains

The truth is, there are no healthy fast food chains. There just aren’t. Anything with a drive-thru attached typically has sugary drinks and an obscene amount of fat and sodium. The bigger truth is, however, that sometimes as parents fast food is the only option. Between unexpected traffic jams, late night work hours and extracurricular activities, your options may be fast food or starve. If you must get in that line, here are a list of the best of the worst options at 6 popular fast food chains.

by Faye McCray

1. Chick fil A

Founded in 1961 by Conservative Southern Baptist Truett Cathy, Chick fil A boasts an alternative to red meat with their famous slogan “Eat Mor Chikin”. As a native New Yorker, I hadn’t even heard of Chick fil A until I moved to D.C. for school. As a broke student, it quickly became my go-to spot for quick and tasty meals. Now that I am a parent (in my thirties with a slower metabolism), I try to avoid fast food where possible. However, when the family and I are on a long road trip and we are in desperate search of food, Chick fil A is my typical choice.

And the award goes to…

Hands down, the healthiest option for your tiny humans is the 6 ct Grilled Nuggets Kid’s Meal 100 cal, 3g of fat, 200mg sodium, 1g of sugar (for comparison, the 6ct fried nuggets are 200cal, 10g of fat and 790mg of sodium), Fruit Cup side, 30 cal, 0g sodium, 7g of sugar (for comparison, waffle fries are 310cal, 16g fat and 140mg of sodium), and to drink, Water or Honest Kids Apple Juice 40cal, 9g of sugar (believe it or not, a small kids lemonade is 170cal and 43g of sugar!)

For Dessert? If you must, the best bet is the Small Icedream cone, 170 cal, 115mg of sodium, and 25g of sugar. It is by no means healthy but it has the lowest sugar content.

2. Subway

Founded in 1965 by Fred DeLuca, Subway is one of the fastest growing franchises in the world. My kids aren’t crazy about the options at Subway but really enjoy their kids totes and cookies.

And the award goes to…

The best option on the menu is the Kids Veggie Delite, 150 cal, 1.5 of total fat, 190mg of sodium but if your kids want something heartier, the second best option is the Kids Turkey Breast, 180 cal, 2.0g of fat, and 430mg of sodium. Choose the Mini Wheat bread 140 cal, 1.5g of fat, 180mg of sodium. The Mini Italian bread is slightly lower calorically but it doesn’t have the health benefits of wheat bread. The best option for dressing is none but if you must, the Honey Mustard has 60 cal, 1g of fat, 240mg of sodium and 11g of sugar. The Sweet Onion is pretty much a tie with 80 cal, 170mg of sodium and 16g of sugar. For toppings, I’d skip the cheese and stick with veggies (avoiding pickles and olives due to sodium content). For a side, the Apple Slices are a clear choice with 35 cal, 7g of sugar and to drink, Water or Juice Box, 100 cal and 21g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, all Cookies are pretty much created equal at Subway. They range between 200-230cal, 14-20g of sugar and 100-130mg of sodium.

3. Panera Bread

Founded in 1987 as the St. Louis Bread Company, Panera was purchased by Au Bon Pain in 1993 and renamed. The name is a combination of the Italian words ‘Pane’ meaning bread and ‘Era’ meaning time – time of bread. That sounds pretty darn amazing to me. There is a Panera on pretty much every street corner where we live so it is often our go-to restaurant in a pinch.

And the award goes to….

The healthiest option on the kids menu is the Kids Seasonal Green Salad. It is only 90cal, 75mg of sodium and 7g of sugar. But – if your kids are anything like mine, the salad thing probably isn’t happening. Unfortunately, the Kids Turkey Sandwich and Peanut Butter & Jelly are a distant second. While the Turkey Sandwich is the lowest caloric sandwich on the Kid’s menu at 310 cal, it also has 11g of fat and 820 mg of sodium! Believe it or not, by comparison with the rest of the menu, it is actually on the low end (the Grilled Cheese has 1090mg of sodium and the Smoked Ham Sandwich has 1210mg, yikes). The Peanut Butter & Jelly has 400 calories and about half the sodium of the Turkey at 460mg but sadly has 19g of sugar and 17g of fat (which may not be as bad as it sounds, read more here). Friendly warning, I would stay away from soups and pastas due to the sodium content – especially the Mac and Cheese which has an insane 1100 mg of sodium in one serving! The healthiest side is definitely the Apple. While the yogurt tube has only 60 calories, it has 10g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, the Petite Chocolate Chipper is your best bet. Those are the cookies that come about 5-6 to a bag usually available at the register. One cookie has 100 cal, 5 g of fat, 8g of sugar. For comparison, the full chocolate chipper has 440 cal, 22g of fat and a whopping 33g of sugar!

4. Wendy’s

Founded in 1969 by Dave Thomas, Wendy’s is the world’s third largest hamburger chain. I’ll always have a soft spot for Wendy’s. When I was a teenager, I was a camp counselor at the YMCA in Bellerose, New York, and there was a Wendy’s nearby. I would go there on my lunch breaks with fellow counselors and devour their grilled chicken sandwiches smothered in honey mustard sauce. I don’t live near one now, but I know for some, Wendy’s is still an option.

And the award goes to…

If you can’t get your kid to eat salad, your best best is probably the 4 Piece Chicken Nuggets, 180 cal, 13g of fat, 390mg of sodium. Though with 13g of fat, you probably want to make Wendy’s a really, really rare option. The Grilled Chicken Wrap has slightly less fat at 11g but an insane 620mg of sodium. For the side, Apple Slices, 35cal, omg sodium, 7g of sugar, and to drink, Water or Honest Kids Fruit Punch, 35 cal, 15mg sodium, 8g of sugar.

For Dessert? If you must, the Jr. Vanilla Frosty, 190 cal, 95mg sodium, 27g of sugar. Not at all healthy but the least bad among pretty bad options.

5. McDonald’s

Founded in 1940 as a barbecue restaurant by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald, McDonald’s is the world’s largest chain of hamburger fast food restaurants and the world’s second largest private employer.

As a kid, I lived for happy meals but I have watched one too many YouTube videos about what’s in that stuff to ever sit in one of their drive-thrus again. However, as one of the most recognizable chains, for some, McDonald’s may be unavoidable.

And the award goes to…

When looking at fat and sodium content (and if you can’t get your kid to eat salad), your best bet is likely the 4 Piece Chicken Nuggets, 190cal, 12g of fat, 360mg of sodium, 0g of sugar. At 12g of fat, it is by no means healthy. However, when compared to the other options on the menu, it is the best choice. The Honey Mustard Grilled Chicken Snack Wrap has less fat at 8g but it is also 650mg of sodium. For a side, stick with the Apple Slices 15 cal, 0 sugar (they probably didn’t count fruit sugar) and sodium (kids fries are 110 cal, 8g of fat, 65g of sodium), and for a beverage, Water or Minute Maid Apple Juice Box, 80 cal, 19g of sugar (thats a lot of sugar).

For Dessert? If you must, Kiddie Cone, 45 cal, 1.5 g of fat and 6g of sugar.

Note: There has been some controversy about McDonald’s cooking oils and the content of their nuggets. I’d read more on McD’s chicken nuggets here and here before feeding them to your kids.

6. Pizza Hut

Founded in 1958 by brothers and students at Wichita State University, Dan and Frank Carney, Pizza Hutt is owned by Yum! Brands (KFC, Taco Bell, etc.), one of the world’s largest restaurant companies.

After my parents were divorced, my phenomenal single mom returned to school and got both her Bachelor’s and Masters. While she was incredibly wonderful, inspiring and present, she didn’t always have the time to cook. Enter, Pizza Hut, the staple of my childhood meals. My mouth waters just thinking about that buttery crust. As an adult, I don’t live near one, but I know plenty of folks still do.

And the award goes to…

I have to start by saying the sodium content at Pizza Hut, like the soups and pastas at Panera, is through the roof! I’m pretty sure they are just throwing massive amounts of salt in the air and catching it on pizza stones. With that said, by slice your best bet overall are the Small Hand Tossed Pies with no processed meats (sausage, pepperoni, etc.) and real veggies. A single Veggie Lover’s Small Hand Tossed Slice is 120cal, 4g of fat and 260mg of sodium not bad when you compare it with the the 1, 110mg of sodium in one Large Pan slice of the Pepperoni’s Lovers!

Do keep in mind, the nutritional content for Pizza Hut is measured by a single slice. I don’t know anyone who just has one (even kids), calculate accordingly!

For Dessert? Just don’t. Between the carbs and fat, your kids will probably just be overeating. I’d suggest a nice after dinner walk instead!

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Note: The options were measured by calories, fat, sodium and sugar content. It did not include a review of artificial ingredients or other chemicals used in the making of these foods. Many of these options, when combined, exceed recommended daily intake for sodium, sugar and/or fat. As always, use your best judgment when making choices for your children. When possible, avoid fast food.

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About The Author

Are You Okay?

With the filming of police violence, the divisive and dangerous rhetoric soundtracking the 2016 election, and the flooding of microaggressions sneaking their way into mainstream media, the current sociopolitical climate can be exhausting. Often our social media news feeds are a reflection of all that is wrong in the world. When is the last time you asked yourself, “Am I okay?”

by Faye McCray

I’ll never forget picking up my phone the morning after Philando Castille was murdered and watching what would be his final moments. I was still under the covers, barely awake, and crying helplessly into my pillow. Just a few hours later, I would be seeing my husband off to work and my two sons off to camp. I wondered if I had the strength to let them go knowing the dangers that could await them. Everything in me wanted to stay in bed, nestled beside my husband in the comfort of knowing that he and our children were safe. I was wary of the time we were living in, the strange world and the motivations of the people in it. I was also pregnant. I couldn’t help but wonder what burdens I was placing on my unborn son, just by being alive.

Needless to say, that wasn’t a positive way to start a morning.

Clinical psychologist and Director of the Center for Mental Health Disparities at the University of Louisville, Monnica Williams says, “Graphic videos,” which she calls vicarious trauma, “combined with lived experiences of racism, can create severe psychological problems reminiscent of post-traumatic stress syndrome.” Dr. Williams studies the link between racism and post-traumatic stress disorder, which is known as race-based traumatic stress injury, or the emotional distress a person may feel after encountering racial harassment or hostility.

Parenting in this climate undoubtedly adds another level of stress and anxiety. In addition to shouldering the average parental worries, as parents of kids of color, we also have to worry about how our children will be perceived when occupying certain spaces in their brown bodies. It took me awhile to confront the fact that I was suffering the emotional toll of race-based trauma and significantly, that it was affecting how I loved and parented. Here are a few steps we can take to ease our anxiety while parenting in the age of vicarious trauma:

1. Turn it off.

I used to get CNN alerts on my phone. They would come through by way of text message with uppercase headlines that were 99.9% negative. They would jolt me out of my day. There was another shooting. Another person not held accountable. Another dismal poll about the state of human existence. I thought being informed somehow raised my level of consciousness. Someone would ask,”Did you hear?” And I could respond, “Sure did.” And I had an opinion about it.

While there is nothing wrong with remaining informed, there is also nothing wrong with doing so in moderation. Based on the headline, I was running the gamut between anger, fear and tears in a single afternoon. I had to recognize the emotional toll those alerts were taking on me and disable them. I chose instead to check media outlets in my own time when I was in a safe space free to think in terms of solutions and not just outrage. For me, that also included social media. I gave myself permission to unfollow certain people on Facebook, and significantly, I gave myself permission to not watch every video. I had to be honest with myself about my own sensitivity. It was hard for me to rebound from watching someone killed. It stayed with me and in my consciousness for days. I had to put myself first and that’s okay.

2. Find support.

Self-care is crucial to dealing with any trauma. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating enough? Are you taking time out for yourself? Are you talking about it? Sometimes it helps to talk to other parents who are grappling with similar anxiety about navigating the current sociopolitical climate. You feel less alone in your worry and that can bring you peace. I remember how good the embrace of a friend felt after hearing about Tamir Rice. That support and solidarity is crucial to navigating these difficult times.

If you find your worry goes beyond a friendly ear, don’t be afraid to seek the help of a professional. Some of us have emotional needs that require more regular assistance in processing the world around us.

3. Be present in your reality.

I live less than an hour away from Baltimore. In the middle of the riots before charges were brought in the Freddie Gray case, I remember feeling a sense of heightened vigilance. I was on guard in every encounter, wary of every interaction and filled with worry and anxiety.

In those situations, I have learned to remind myself to be present. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Right now, am I safe? Are my children safe? Are the people I love safe? Living in the age we live in, it easy to take on every experience as your own. While it is important to be empathetic, it is crucial that we don’t get lost in the emotional turmoil of shouldering another person’s burden. It is okay to take a step back and remind yourself of your reality. That will give you a clearer head to think in terms of solutions.

4. Brainstorm solutions.

And speaking of solutions, I find the best way to ease my anxiety is to figure out what I can do to make a change. Remember the serenity prayer? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. While we can’t solve every problem, we can certainly find small ways to contribute to a solution. From getting more involved in your child’s school or community to facilitating honest, productive dialogue in diverse settings to donating to advocacy groups fighting for the change you seek, we all have the power to become more active in the fight for justice. Outrage is rarely a solution. Updating your status or changing your profile picture on Facebook or Twitter is not a solution. I find nothing beats the fulfillment of taking affirmative steps towards a solution.

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About The Author

20 Quotes to Inspire Young Women

Sometimes you need to call on the words of our great ancestors and elders for motivation and inspiration. Here are 20 quotes by amazing women to inspire you and the young girls in your life.

1. “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance.” – bell hooks

2. “In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor

3. “When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” – Audre Lorde

4. “A lot of people refuse to do things because they don’t want to go naked, don’t want to go without guarantee. But that’s what’s got to happen. You go naked until you die.” – Nikki Giovanni

5. “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker

6. “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey

7. “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” – Wilma Rudolph

8. “Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way.” – Nikki Giovanni

9. “Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.” – Audre Lorde

10. “Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do.” – Maya Angelou

11. “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” – Lorraine Hansberry

12. “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lena Horne

13. “We have to talk about liberating minds as well as liberating society.” – Angela Davis

14. “Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou

15. “Don’t feel entitled to anything you didn’t sweat and struggle for.” – Marian Wright Edelman

16. “There’s always something to suggest that you’ll never be who you wanted to be. Your choice is to take it or keep on moving.” – Phylicia Rashad

17. “You don’t make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas.” – Shirley Chisholm

18. “Sometimes you’ve got to let everything go—purge yourself . . . If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” – Tina Turner

19. “I really don’t think life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried-to-do. I don’t mind the failure but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.” – Nikki Giovanni

20. “I am not tragically colored. There is no great sorrow dammed up in my soul, nor lurking behind my eyes. . . . Even in the helter-skelter skirmish that is my life, I have seen that the world is to the strong regardless of a little pigmentation more or less. No, I do not weep at the world—I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.” – Zora Neale Hurston

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